Initiating MMF threesome

[lovebird86]

Hi. My boyfriend and I are into the swinging lifestyle. We really think sex with other couples is hot (soft swap, full swap...we think it's all sexy!), but we also really want to do a straight MMF threesome. We go online to find potential couples our age to have fun with, but we both feel a lot more comfortable with a man we know, considering most of the single men online are creepy. He told me to pick out the guy. Well, I picked one of our friends. He's definitely the perfect one to do the threesome with. Friend loves sex...is very open about sex. Boyfriend agrees, thinks it would be hot. However, I am not quite sure about how to bring this up with Friend. I told Boyfriend he should bring it up, but Boyfriend told me Friend would like it if I was the one to initiate the subject. How do you initiate this topic? Usually the subject of sex gets brought up every time we get together...usually friend complaining he hasn't gotten any in a while. Boyfriend thinks we should just bring it up then...anyone agree??? We know that it's always said that it's best to do a threesome with a random, but I feel extremely uncomfortable with a random single guy and would much rather be with someone I know and trust than some random guy we pick up at a bar that could be a total creep or unclean or be a Ted Bundy!!!

[XStripper777]

Originally Posted by lovebird86

Usually the subject of sex gets brought up every time we get together...usually friend complaining he hasn't gotten any in a while. Boyfriend thinks we should just bring it up then...anyone agree???

I ABSOLUTELY agree with that! Just say something like "Well, if you haven't gotten any in so long, why don't you hook up with me and "boyfriend"? We love to do stuff like that... we both think you're attractive... and it'd be fun! What do you think?

Just come right out and say it! What harm could it cause? Does he know that you and your boyfriend like to do that sort of thing? If he does know, maybe that's why he's bringing up the fact that he hasn't had any... maybe he's trying to initiate an conversation like that but doesn't quite know how, you know?

If he doesn't know about you and your boyfriend... just tell him when y'all are talking about his sex life (or lack thereof), say "you know, me and "boyfriend" like to have threesomes sometimes... maybe if you're really needing to get rid of some sexual tension, you should hook up with us sometime." What single, sexually frustrated man on the face of this earth would say no?

I say "GO FOR IT". Of course, it might help if you're more seductive with him, but then he might get the wrong impression that you want to be with him, just the two of you... when you'd really like to be with him and "boyfriend"... so just use your best judgement on that one. You know him way better than we do.

Good luck and best wishes! Oh yea, and when you do finally do it, will you come back and let us know how it went? We love reading great stories like that!!

[lovebird86]

Thanks for the advice! If it happens, I'll post and let you know how it turned out!

[XStripper777]

justtobesure, that's very true. I didn't even think of it like that when I wrote it, but I'm glad you did, I wouldn't want him to feel like that either. And I certain that he's not a "pity" thing, but he might feel that way if it were said the wrong way. Thanks for bringing that to the forefront!

[Mark & Lin]

A very good friend of ours gave us some very good advice when we first started swinging - "Don't try to make your friends swingers, make swingers your friends." Normally we follow that rule very strictly. There are always exceptions, of course.

One exception is a friend of ours who Lin and I both worked with at one time. One day Lin and I were kind of joking around, and I asked her if there was anyone at work that she'd like to have sex with. She immediately said this man's name - no hesitation at all. We talked about it for a while, and I encouraged her to pursue it if she wanted to. She started flirting with him at work, eventually chatting with him in rather sexy ways, then finally telling him about our lifestyle (this sounds very simple - actually it took her about 6 months of gradually raising the bar when it came to the flirting.) When she finally asked him if he would like to join us, he couldn't say yes fast enough. He's been one of her regular playmates for the last 8 years, and comes to all of our parties.

I guess I'd advise you to be cautious in your approach - maybe not 6 months worth of caution like Lin did, but you get my drift. Some friends might freak out at the suggestion, while others, like my example, would love the opportunity.

You know your friend. If you think he'd be receptive to the idea, then just make sure your friendship wouldn't otherwise be damaged by inviting him into your bed. It's never happened to us, because we normally stick to our rule as mentioned above, but every one of our swinging friends has a story to tell about a friend they thought might be receptive to the idea of a threesome, only to discover that that just wasn't the case, and those friendships ended. I don't mean to discourage you - those same people have even more stories about friends who jumped at the chance. (I'd estimate the happy endings outnumber the bad endings by about 5 to 1.) All I'm saying is that the potential is there to damage the friendship, and you should both be sure you're ready for that possibility.

Mark

[XStripper777]

That's some great advice... to not make swingers of your friends but to make friends of swingers.

I know I've got a good friend that I would LOVE to "get with", but I just know that she's not like that, so I would hate to jeapordize our friendship by asking her to come hang out with me and Jody "in that way." I also completely quit hanging out with a great couple... very nice people, loved to be around them, but they constantly asked me to sleep with them, and just wouldn't take no for an answer... I finally got so tired of it, that I quit taking their calls, quit going by their house, and just quit hanging out with them all together. So, I've sorta been on both sides of that one. Of course, I'm not doing like they did, and just trying way too hard to get my girlfriend to sleep with me... hell I'm not trying at all, lol... because I know how totally uncomfortable that couple made me feel when they refused to accept that I didn't want to sleep with them. They thought I just wanted to "get to know them better first", but I sincerely didn't want to sleep with them EVER... they just didn't want to believe that. So, I've lost 2 friends like that, and would NEVER want anyone to look at me or Jody the way that I look at that couple. So, that's wonderful advice, wish my friends had known that one before they started chasing me so adamantly, lol.