fiance has lots of trouble orgasming - need help

[anonymous99]

I've got a problem. I've been with my fiance for over 5 years.. we love each other and have a great relationship. We are getting married on nov 8, a week from tomorrow. When I met her we were both 18, almost 19, and were both essentially virgins... we'd both messed around and done some stuff before but not actual sex.

Anyways, the problem is that we have a very hard time making her orgasm during sex. We've worked together on it, bought and read books, tried using various toys/vibrators, use lots of foreplay, I go down on her for pretty long periods of time (15-20 minutes.. usually ends because she insists I stop, not because I'm not willing), use my hand, etc...

the problem is pretty severe... in fact, I think I've only been able to actually cause her to have an orgasm two or three times (I think she may have faked the third, thats why I say two or three)

does anybody have any good advice? this was a huge problem earlier in our relationship, she always said she was unhappy about it, but lately (last year or two) she's said she doesn't mind.. she often "finishes" after sex by masturbating while I encourage her/play with her, but its a big problem for me.. it makes me feel like I'm not doing my job and I'm actually very embarassed to post this in the first place, plus I just want her to be able to have that pleasure while we have sex. she still likes having sex alot but I want to make it great for her

I'm worried this sounds pretty pathetic posting it on an internet forum but I feel like I've tried everything and I really need some advice

[Mark & Lin]

There’s nothing at all pathetic about it. The Internet is a great tool for finding answers - especially when it comes to something you can't talk to friends or family about.

The first thing I would tell you both is that you need to relax. There comes a point where you become so focussed on achieving an orgasm that things become kind of mechanical, and, to put it bluntly, you just try too hard. It happens to everyone. There are times when Lin and I get into that situation, and the only way we can get out of it is to stop, back up, regroup, and relax. It comes to the point where we're too focussed on getting each other off, and not spending enough time giving each other pleasure - and there IS a difference.

We've been married for close to 21 years, and we know each other pretty well by now. We know what each other likes and dislikes, but sometimes you find yourself "just going through the motions," because you know it works. Yeah – it’s a rut.

You know she can have an orgasm, as you’ve said she can masturbate herself to orgasm after you’ve finished – so you know it’s not a physical thing. I don’t mean to generalize here, but it’s been my experience that men are more visual when it comes to sexual stimulation, whereas women tend to be more “mental,” if that makes any sense. I mean that while women do get turned on with visual stimulation, what goes on in her mind is usually a bigger turn on. That being said, if she picks up on your frustration over the fact that you think you’re doing something wrong, it puts more pressure on her – that’s not a big turn on in anyone’s book.

Relax and let it flow. There may not be any single thing that makes her orgasm. It may be a number of sensations, whether at the same time or in a certain sequence, that just drives her wild. Don’t put so much emphasis on getting her there – relax and let her enjoy the trip.

Lin’s orgasms are always different. She tells me that she can’t masturbate herself to orgasm unless she’s gone without sex for a long period of time – that’s not happening with me around, but I digress. Sometimes she orgasms pretty quickly when I go down on her, and sometimes not. Sometimes she’ll orgasm quickly if I’m rubbing her clit, and sometimes not. Sometimes she’ll orgasm quickly if I just think about baseball and keep on stroking into her, and sometimes not.

One thing she does like, and always causes her to orgasm very intensely, is for me to go down on her for a few minutes, then move upward and slip myself into her for a few minutes. Then I’ll pull out and go back down on her for a few more minutes. Each time I start stroking into her, I adjust my rhythm to be a little faster, and a little firmer. The change of sensations causes her orgasm to build steadily. By the time she’s close to climax, she’s pulling at my shoulders to get me to move up onto her and really pound myself into her. She always cums explosively with me inside her, and I can usually time it so that I orgasm right in the middle of hers.

I know I went all over the place in this reply, but my main point is to relax, and let her relax. After 5 years together, you should have a pretty good idea as to what she likes. Don’t ask her, “Is this ok?” “Is this working?” “Am I doing this right?” Let her lie back and enjoy the sensations without feeling pressured to climax. Let her fantasize, dream, or run little images through her mind while you’re pleasuring her. Spend a lot of time on foreplay, but forget the clock – this isn’t a race. Some women climax easily, some not so easily. Take your time and focus on giving her pleasure, not just getting her off.

I hope something in this helps.

Mark

[beadcrazy]

I have a lot of trouble having an orgasm and really need to be able to control the pressure on my clit and it may be the same with your... I guess you are married by this time, so wife.

The way that works best for me is the be on top, my husband all the way inside of me, propped up on my hands with my legs along the outside of my husbands and then I grind on the base of him. If my husband sucks on my nipples and is encouraging in word and with moving with me, it helps greatly. A pillow strategically placed under your butt or hips can give her a better angle.

I hope this helps!

[Luvoral]

Originally Posted by anonymous99

I've got a problem. I've been with my fiance for over 5 years.. we love each other and have a great relationship. We are getting married on nov 8, a week from tomorrow. When I met her we were both 18, almost 19, and were both essentially virgins... we'd both messed around and done some stuff before but not actual sex.

Anyways, the problem is that we have a very hard time making her orgasm during sex. We've worked together on it, bought and read books, tried using various toys/vibrators, use lots of foreplay, I go down on her for pretty long periods of time (15-20 minutes.. usually ends because she insists I stop, not because I'm not willing), use my hand, etc...

the problem is pretty severe... in fact, I think I've only been able to actually cause her to have an orgasm two or three times (I think she may have faked the third, thats why I say two or three)

does anybody have any good advice? this was a huge problem earlier in our relationship, she always said she was unhappy about it, but lately (last year or two) she's said she doesn't mind.. she often "finishes" after sex by masturbating while I encourage her/play with her, but its a big problem for me.. it makes me feel like I'm not doing my job and I'm actually very embarassed to post this in the first place, plus I just want her to be able to have that pleasure while we have sex. she still likes having sex alot but I want to make it great for her

I'm worried this sounds pretty pathetic posting it on an internet forum but I feel like I've tried everything and I really need some advice

I don't think your alone.I know a couple of ladies that never cum from just vaginal sex or from just oral.Have you ever tried massaging her g-spot? If she gets off from masturbating then she should show you how she likes to be touched and where.When she makes you stop[oral],it could be that her clit becomes to sensative.Mine also does so we go to vaginal and then back to oral with him or me massaging my clit and g-spot,it usually works..Quit thinking this is a major problem or you not doing your job and keep working on it.Your both still very young and have fun practicing,experimenting,changing positions,different locations or a hot exotic night out...It's great that your so concerned about her pleasure,that what we want most.Someone who cares about us.....