Sub sides...

[CoJon]

Thanks, C. BTW, one thing that may not have come due to the online aspect of our conversations is that I am not truly assertive or proactive about clarifying my wishes or how appealing trying new things would be to me...i.e., I can't even say for sure if she knows how I feel about this. I've never even fully admitted it to myself, until more recently, perhaps. When I first asked you about it, I rationalized that I simply wanted to "educate" myself, that it was mainly to satisfy my "intellectual" curiosity. Those may not--or may!--have been my exact words, but that is what I first told myself, automatically assuming that Amy would never go along with it.

[Cherry]

Well, Jon, one thing to remember. When we crave something, and we don't discuss it with our partners, we're NOT gonna have our desires known, so there's next to NO chance of our desires being met. You should know that line from all the time you've spent around here. Slow and steady, Jon. If you're too worried, there's a book called "When Someone You Love Is Kinky". It's a fairly good book and can explain some desires from a kinkster to their thus-far assumed vanilla partner. It doesn't always change things, doesn't always lead to the vanilla partner embracing the kink aspect, but it's a great way to broach the subject.

[CoJon]

Of course, you're right. That sounds like a great reading suggestion, too (although I don't suppose I should bring it with me to read at work; the wives of my elderly and disabled clients are often curious to know what I am reading or writing about; if I'm not even sure my wife is ready to learn about it, it's probably wisest not to broach the subject with my business acquaintances).

Thank you!

Jon

[CoJon]

Cherry,

Amy and I are "kidless" for the next ten days or so--we dropped off her boys in California to see their dad for three weeks this summer and my daughter is back at her mom's for her alternate two-week-long visitation--and Amy and I have been catching up on our sex life, you might say. Sex every night may not sound like a big deal to many ASA members, but it is a cause for celebration in our recent lives as parents and working students (and live-in caregivers for my mom, etc., etc.!).

Anyway, the night before last, Amy said (afterward) she just wanted to have "dirty sex" with me. She did this by coming at me unexpectedly, taking off my pants, and giving me head both on the bed and standing up. Then she took off her own pants and bent over the bed, this way inviting me to engage in doggy-style sex with her. Well, we eventually both moved onto the bed, as we became more enthusiastic about it, and she told me to pull her hair and spank her. She also said, "harder, harder" a lot--regarding both my pumping action and my pulling her hair and spanking her.

It's things like this that make me think again that she might be up for some more serious BDSM play. But yesterday, when I took the cloth tie from her bathrobe and tried to tie her wrists up for fun (and foreplay), she just kept wriggling out of them before I could really get them secure. Granted, she was being playful about it, but not the way that I had hoped. If you don't mind me asking your advice again, do you have any thoughts or suggestions about Amy's recent behavior?

Thank you, again, Friend.

Jon

[Cherry]

Jon, firstly, congrats on the kid-free days and I hope you make the BEST of them!

Now...as to WHY Amy may have acted this way? Maybe she was just wanting to make the most of the time and get some good "dirty sex" in. Or maybe she's dropping hints about what she's wanting. While she was struggling in a playful way, she could have been trying to hiint that she wants you to be firmer while tying her down. You know, struggling against your grip so you hold on tighter. I do the same thing sometimes...I fitght against April's grip, just so she DOES hold on tighter, get rougher, be "meaner" *tho it's not mean, just giving me what I want). I'd say give it another try, and when she grins and giggles and struggles again, grip a little firmer and say something like, "I'm going to do this to you. If you really don't want me to, say so now." You might be surprised and she might really just lay back, grin and struggle more. Or be doncile. But either way, she might just NOT speak, and enjoy something pretty damned awesome.

[CoJon]

You know, Cherry, I always thought the cliche that women are a mystery was kind of a cop-out, an excuse certain chauvinistic men could use so that they could be lazy about trying to understand their female partners. But I am finding that, at least in certain aspects, my woman is indeed something of a mystery that I must solve if I want to continue to explore my relationship with her.

Last night--and this morning--she told me how much she loves my cock in her mouth (her words, actually, not mine). And she proceeded to illustrate by waking up twice throughout the night to try and get me off, a second time, by giving me head. (The first time I got off before going to bed, while we were having sex at the foot edge of the bed; I was on my knees and could hardly move, so I had to lift her up and down rapidly for us to both fully enjoy ourselves.) Anyway, she also told me again after the second, successful attempt to get me off, that she liked me to pull her hair. I had held her wrists down for a while, but I couldn't pull her hair after that because I was on all fours holding myself up, fucking her mouth, so that I could speed up my orgasm so that she could finally stop working so hard to attain it. (That position, in which all my muscles are tensed, seems to intensify my sexual stimulation and basically guarantees I will have an orgasm if I hold that pose long enough.)

Also, sometimes Amy likes to try upsetting me in a playful way so that I will chase her around the house. She always lets out several high-pitched squeals as she's running away, which only encourages me more, of course! These ordeals sometimes end up with us wrestling around on the bed. I've no doubt that she likes it when she gets me adrenaline-pumped and, consequently, more aggressive during such moments, because she always initiates them, and although we're always playful and never truly angry with one another--hence, she knows I will avoid actually hurting her--she has told me a few times that she likes it when I chase her.

That's about the sum of it. Clearly, this is not serious BDSM play, but these few signals she is giving me may indicate her desires for something a little more extensive under the surface, maybe desires that she herself has not consciously acknowledged, much less explored.

Once more, like many other ASA members, I expect, I am deeply grateful to you for your input!

Jon

[Cherry]

Wow, it sounds as if you two are making the most of your time together! That's awesome!

And you're very welcome. I only hope you two can find whatever happy place you seek. I'm glad I could help, even if it's in only little ways.

[CoJon]

You're probably getting tired of me leaving these numerous posts about my minor efforts to enjoy a little more BDSM sex life with my wife by now.
Allow me to leave this final, enthusiastic post and then I'll cease and desist, if you say that is your wish.

Amy has planned a romantic outdoor getaway for just the two of us, essentially. (We may bring another couple along, but she said they will park far enough away that the two of us are still secluded.)
She called me up at work yesterday and told me she wanted me to make a list of 5-10 things I want us to do together while we're on this trip, like kissing on a hilltop (her idea) or crossing a creek together (my idea).
She also told me to remember that she will be "at my beck and call." Well, it soon occurred to me that this would be the perfect opportunity to reveal to her a few of my edgy sexual fantasies.
Even if we aren't able to accomplish the entire list on this trip, this is a perfect opportunity for me to reveal to her some of these "secret" wishes of mine I've been struggling to get through to her at opportune moments,
like enacting a kidnapping scenario, complete from pursuit to capture and ending with her sexual submission to me. It's somewhat of a relief just being able to mention it here!

Well, that is all. I just couldn't contain my excitement. I can't wait to show Amy just how my attitude has changed since she asked me to make a list,
from initial confusion to downright excited!

See you next week!

[Cherry]

Jon, by all means, feel free to use this thread in the way you have been and are! After all, the concept of this thread, and the whole little corner of Ann's net-woeld, is for learning and sharing! I, for one, would feel saddened to think someone was afraid to post a thought that might encourage others to explore.

I hope you do get to act out a few of your fantasies this weekend! Have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do. (And in case you couldn't figure that out...it pretty much leaves everything legal open for discussion. LOL)