approaching rock bottom

[Ann Andriani]

Edie,

I feel for you. This situation is nothing less than sucky. But I do have a few questions. Do you still desire HIM or do you just want to feel desired...by anyone? Honestly, what is your relationship like outside the bedroom? Is it one you're happy in? Does sex seem to be the only problem area?

I'll wait for your answers before I further respond.

Ann

Dear Ann

I work at a major retail home improvement center so the attention I get
at work is a surprise to me because even on my worst days I have offers
for lunch , dinner and weekend dates and frolics. Ive been sorely tempted to
accept a few overnighters but after having lunch with them I have come to the same conclusion... theyre not who or what I want. I want and still very much love my boyfriend. He is my bestfriend. We get along because I dont press the sex issue. I just continue to eat it and wonder when Im going to fall off the ledge Ive been standing on. He is in his perfect world. I am in depression. Ive prayed for deliverance from desire. Ive put on weight so I
dont feel sexy anymore and that has helped a little ( He told me when we first started seeing each other that he would never touch a fat women no matter what) so I purposely set out to put on about 10 pounds so at least I
dont have to be devastated every night. I already know sex isnt going to
happen if I don drop these pounds. So it makes me feel like Im controlling the
situation...But reality is no Im not contolling anything. The weird part is that
Im almost to a point where I actually dont think Im ever going to be comfortable with him sexually again. This has been such an issue for so long now that its taking on a kind sick aura about it. I just feel like Im afreak or somthing. Does this happen to anyone else in this extreme or do they leave or what thanks

[liv789]

Whoa... this does not sound like a healthy situation. You may love this guy and he may be your best friend, but he's not being a very good friend, a good boyfriend, or a good father for that matter. This guy is being totally inconsiderate of your needs, and it sounds like not only is that spilling over into other areas of your relationship but it is affecting your life and your self esteem. He's compelled you to put on weight just so you feel like you are in control of something. That is a bona fide eating disorder, if you ask me.

So you promised you wouldn't cheat on him, fine. You shouldn't cheat on him. You should get out of this relationship. You can still be his friend, you can still talk to him, but I think that the way he is treating you is inexcusable. He is denying that there is a problem and causing you to feel horrible about yourself. Maybe he is having ED and is embarrased, but even so this is not a healthy way to deal with that. He's had bountiful opportunity to fix the problem, or at least to give you some non sexual affection - but no. Instead he is being totally insensitive to the fact that there is a problem here.

You admit that you don't think you can ever have a good sexual relationship with him again. That says it all. You need to get out of this relationship and find someone who can give you love and affection and who will be caring to you. Leave him now! Lose the weight, start flirting, and start feeling good about yourself. It's not too late to find a good guy.

Good luck!

[princesa]

I agree with Liv. A healthy, fulfilling sex life is a HUGE part of a happy relationship. If he's unwilling to admit there's a problem and seek professional help, I'd say it's time to move on. He may be saying he loves you, but his selfish actions are saying something else.