Threesome...Would you do it?

[Ann Andriani]

Originally Posted by CoJon

Mark,

...I guess after I saw the movie Threesome, it seemed that threesomes (or beyond, I suppose) could become some of the most intimate experiences a person may ever have in his or her life...

I hope I'm remembering this movie correctly. My only comment is that the tone of threesome play is set by the couple inviting the third in. If you want it to be intimate and romantic, then that's the tone as a couple you set, or if you'd rather it be fun and playful, then you can set that mood too. Personally, I prefer fun and playful.

Ann

[CoJon]

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

My only comment is that the tone of threesome play is set by the couple inviting the third in. If you want it to be intimate and romantic, then that's the tone as a couple you set, or if you'd rather it be fun and playful, then you can set that mood too. Personally, I prefer fun and playful.

I'm not sure if the movie was based on a play; in fact, I honestly don't even remember how the threesome came about in the movie, although I suspect it happened as you described.

I find the variety of people's preferences so fascinating! I guess I'm a bit of an empath, or maybe just a copycat, because as soon as someone says they prefer their whatever (e.g., sex) a certain way, then I begin saying to myself, I wonder...that doesn't sound half bad!

[Mark & Lin]

I think most people are that way, CoJon. I know that when Lin and I read erotic stories, or see things in movies, we get similar ideas. Our venture into swinging is a direct result of reading stories and such in various magazines I brought home years ago. Now with the internet, there is a flood of info out there on topics some people hadn’t even thought of before. I think we’ve all seen, read, or heard something, and thought to ourselves, “Hmmm… Now that would be interesting…”

As far as the tone of the threesome is concerned, I agree that the sky is the limit. Sometimes Lin likes it when both of us men basically take her at the same time, other times she wants for us to hold back and take her one at a time. Sometimes she wants to be blindfolded and restrained, sometimes she wants to be the aggressor and direct the action. Much like any other sex play, it all depends on the mood and the circumstances.

We sometimes host swing parties in our home, attended usually by anywhere from 5 to 15 couples. Lately she’s had this fantasy of being blindfolded and tied to the bed, then whenever one of the men wants to, they’re free to pop into the bedroom and do basically as they please with her – within reason, of course. We’re not into BDSM or anything like that, but she likes the idea of the blindfold and restraints as they remove that level of control, and thus her responsibility for her actions. She doesn’t want to be forced to do anything; she just loves the idea of the men taking their pleasure with her in any way they wish – preferably one right after the other.

[CoJon]

Originally Posted by Mark & Lin

We sometimes host swing parties in our home, attended usually by anywhere from 5 to 15 couples. Lately she’s had this fantasy of being blindfolded and tied to the bed, then whenever one of the men wants to, they’re free to pop into the bedroom and do basically as they please with her – within reason, of course. We’re not into BDSM or anything like that, but she likes the idea of the blindfold and restraints as they remove that level of control, and thus her responsibility for her actions. She doesn’t want to be forced to do anything; she just loves the idea of the men taking their pleasure with her in any way they wish – preferably one right after the other.

I find that interesting, too. Both my wives have been on the jealous side--although my present wife is much less envious and possessive than my first. I can hardly imagine being in a relationship in which my partner tolerated, even embraced, the idea that I intended to share my body in a sexual way. Personally, I think it does, as I think you've stated, exhibit a higher level of trust between the two of you. I think it also exhibits a trust in one's own self and one's innermost feelings/instincts. I offer you my congratulations, for having discovered that level of trust within one another and within yourselves!

CJ

[CoJon]

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

I hope I'm remembering this movie correctly. My only comment is that the tone of threesome play is set by the couple inviting the third in. If you want it to be intimate and romantic, then that's the tone as a couple you set, or if you'd rather it be fun and playful, then you can set that mood too. Personally, I prefer fun and playful.

Ann

Forgive me, Ann, for displaying your quote twice. I had another response to this I'd like to share.

I enjoyed strip-dancing for the year or so that I did it--in the sparse number of jobs the agencies procured for me (about 2 per month, on average). But, toward the end, I started to feel something I hadn't felt (or noticed) at first. I felt like less of a person and more like I was a show animal. I didn't really mind the visual ogling or even the occasional groping, but I realized--albeit not fully at that time--that what I needed at that time in my life, more than attention from a crowd of people, was intimate attention from just one woman. I still crave attention every now and then; hence, I'm addicted to karaoke, but, more than that, I need to be noticed in small, private ways by just one person to make me happy. And, I suppose, were Amy and I ever to try out a threesome (or 'moresome'), intimacy would still be of the utmost importance to me...and, I suspect, to her as well. Of course, I love to just loosen up and be playful quite often, but I always need some quiet closeness at the end of the day.

[Ann Andriani]

I guess I should clarify a bit CoJon, you may have misunderstood some things in my post. When I discussed the movie, I didn't think the movie was a "play" I was referring to the sexual encounters in it as sex play. From what I remember it was a very romantic movie, wasn't there a bit of a love triangle too? I'm remembering it being very "Hollywood" and that's not really what a threesome is, at least not in my reality.

While we have a laid back, playful tone to our threesomes, we still realize we're being intimate with another person. I just don't feel comfortable making things serious, romantic and lovey dovey. Sure I like to cuddle with the group after sex, but I don't feel comfortable with a romantic tone, that's for Larry and I alone.

And I don't mean it's like we're in a gymnasium either, we set a sexy atmosphere, candles, music, sexy furniture and such, but it's adults playing together. There's dirty talking and giggling and asking people if they like this or that. Personally, I can be a commentator during threesomes. I can't help it, I'm a talker. From the response I've received, others think it's sexy, it's silly, but it's relaxed. Our goal is to provide a comfortable, open atmosphere to have some fun, hot sex. I guess that's maybe where I am misunderstanding you. For me, sex can be fun, silly, playful, intimate and hot all at the same time. There's many different levels during the same encounter.

I hope that clarifies things and doesn't confuse things more.

Ann

[CoJon]

Ann,

I may have misunderstood you, but I don't believe it was your fault (nor should you)--especially regarding the sex play in the movie (not a live theater play), Threesome. Please forgive my error.

In fact, I am willing to concede that you may have experienced a deeper level of intimacy with Larry than I have with my present or former wife or any of my (few) other lovers. As Mark would probably agree, a deep level of intimacy and trust seems to be a requirement before you and your SO even consider including another, or others, in your lovemaking.

And I've no doubt your group experiences can be all of those things, "fun, silly, playful, intimate, and hot, all at the same time." Perhaps I initially misunderstood you because I can hardly imagine enjoying such pleasures with more than just one person all at once. But my lack of experience does not preclude my willingness to believe that such a thing is attainable. Just because I've resigned myself to believing that such experiences will forever remain only fantasies in my mental sex life does not mean I can't accept the idea that others like yourself are able to enjoy them to the fullest.

CJ

[CoJon]

Ann,

I tried to make the following changes before the "Edit" button disappeared and my last post would be forever set in stone, but I had to step away to do my job for a few moments, and, alas, that is exactly what happened. Anyway, here is how I wanted to end my message:

Just because I've resigned myself to believing that such experiences will forever remain only fantasies in my own life does not mean I can't accept the idea that others, like you and Larry, and Mike and Lin, are able to enjoy them to the fullest, without sacrificing either interpersonal intimacy or fun.

You have my congratulations...and maybe just a little envy, too!

CJ

[Bee]

Firstly, I'd like to say that the advice on this site is fantastic and much appreciated. Thank you to everyone that's contributed.

I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. We've been together for over a year and met as photographer and model. Although I broke the cardinal rule of not dating the help, the fact is that we simply clicked and we've been passionately in love ever since. We work out the age difference issues when it comes up, which is rarely.

I guess it's inherent in photographers to have that voyeuristic leaning and for the model to be somewhat the exhibitionist, so in hindsight, I'm not surprised that we started talking about the idea of doing threesomes. With a past of long-term, monogamous, rather conservative relationships, I'm at that point in life where I'd like to try most things at least once and she's at the point in her own life where sex is a brand new toy box and wants to try everything at least once... now!

So, from joking about it to talking about it, then deciding to actually do it.... we found a man that we've known online for a while to say, "sure, why not? LOL!" He's Eastern European (read: Not too much of a prude about sex and unlikely to be interested in drama), good looking (according to her) and not too intense (though he is an Academy Award nominee for a movie he produced, so intense enough...)

I'm out of the city for the next week and he leaves in a week, so we set a date in mid-February where everybody will be in the same place at the same time.... giving the GF and I plenty of time to talk about things.

What I love about our situation is that our personalities (actually a surprise discovery for the both of us) are so matched on this. I'm as interested as she is in the MMF version and I frankly would not mind spending part of that time just sitting back and watching. I'm not Bi- and for me, the penis is just a prop with a heartbeat. Joining in would be fun for me, too.

What I realize is that my GF is exactly the kind of person that could do this very much unlike any previous woman I've ever been with. She makes (maybe a younger generation) distinction between making love, loving and sex play. She likes the visual aspects of voy/ex as much as I do, yet sits on the other side of it. She also has enough of the voy to be as curious about watching my dick disappear inside of someone else.

For her, besides the exhibitionistic aspect of a threesome, is the idea of two men being completely focussed on her. For me, I get as much of a thrill out of watching as doing.

So, the setting of the date has allowed me some time to think about other fantasies that I've never bothered to give thought to and it's opened up quite a dialogue between us. Things we would never have shared with the other for fear of being judged.

The reality may be far from the fantasy, in the end, but I think talking about it and seeing that the other person is stable and excited about things has helped convince me that it will be a fun, or at least interesting experience.

[Larry]

Definitely give us an update and your personal feelings about your experience when and if you do go ahead with it.

Good Luck.