masturbation or sex with spouse?

My wife and I have been married for 14 years and have 7 children. We had trouble the last couple of years and now we are getting on much better these days. My concern is, one day I walked in on my wife wile she was in the whirlpool tub. To my surprise, she was masturbating in the tub using the water from the faucet. That was about ten months ago and I can't stop thinking about it. She does not Know that I saw her. We haven't had sex in four months and the only time we did have sex (in the past), she has allot to drink at the time. I asked her if she ever gets horny and she says no. She takes a bath once a week and I can't help but think she is in there getting off because she is in there along time. I remember her telling me she just not in the mood as much or ever. I want to Know is this a time issue for her to get comfortable having sex with me or should I confront her on this issue?

signed Jealous.

[browneyed girl]

Wow! 7 children!
That would be enough to keep you plenty busy, without having to worry about ever having sex again.
Four months is a long time to go without sex from your partner.
I would try to talk to her again, and just ask her why she feels that she`s not ever in the mood anymore. Is there a specific reason, like being too tired from raising 7 kids, work, stress, etc.

There was a time when we had sex sometimes twice a week or more. She would wear sexy outfits & thongs just for me. Then when my daughter started dating at 14 & she wanted to buy thongs for her. I said that thongs are purely sexual & not appropriate for a 14 yr old girl. At one time in our marriage she did agree with me. My wife did not like that comment, & a big fight ensued and she through out all her thongs and outfits. We almost separated but worked it out a few yrs later. Thats were we are today. My wife told me sex was to big an issue and she does not that to happen again. So here I am with a wife who masturbates more than we have sex & a daughter who is on birth control. I love this woman & my sex drive has not changed at all. I don't like to masturbate. I feel really GUILTY afterwards, like I am cheating my wife out of something. Or it could be my strict up bringing. As I said before she does not like to talk about sex or anything personal stuff about us. It is off limits, new subject, if I persist she walks away in a huff and gives me the silent treatment.

Originally Posted by goose

There was a time when we had sex sometimes twice a week or more.

wife told me sex was to big an issue and she does not that to happen again. So here I am with a wife who masturbates more than we have sex

I don't like to masturbate. I feel really GUILTY afterwards, like I am cheating my wife out of something.

The way your wife is behaving, I would not feel guilty about masturbating (what the heck - she's doing it isn't she)? Even if you were having sex, it is still not a sin to masturbate. Get over the guilty feeling - enjoy at least one means of satisfaction.

[Budde]

First off cut the cord on the hot tub! seriously you do need to talk to her about this weather or not you tell her you know about her masturbating is up to you. I dont want to say you have a trump card or an ace up your sleeve but it might serve you best not to mention it to see how truthful and forth coming she will be with you. To be honest to throw out all her thongs and sexy outfits just because you voice your opinion on how to raise your 14 year old daughter is nothing more then spiteful and vindictive. (personally I would feel and say the same as you f I were in your position) After all she is your daughter too and she should be pleased that your taking an active part in how your child is raised especially when it comes to sex. She needs to appreciate how uncomfortable it is for a man to talk about such issues concerning his teenage daughter. I hate to be a naysayer or a negative person but I have to say in my opinion it sounds as though she's making you pay for your comments and is withholding sex from you because she can. 4 months is way too long to go without having a ligament reason.

Lastly your not being selfish what so ever to want "Alone time" or a date night with your wife to have the things you used to have. My wife and I make date nights all the time. We don't have the sex life we used to have for a lot of the same reasons you don't. Fortunately for us we don't have 7 kids or one of us would be hanging from a bridge or out on a ledge some where.... but seriously your absolutely correct is saying that you two will only be this age for a short time too and you tow even being the 100% best parents you could possibly be need to have a live together. Unfortunately way too many women choose to take this route either because they feel it's the higher road or that they just don't want to be bothered with having sex any longer. Then they don't understand why men stray and go find sex else where. Believe me I am not advocating cheating or looking for alternative ways of fulfilling one's sexual needs I'm just trying to drive home a point. I read a study that was part of a sexual study on why allegedly happily married men seek the services of prostitutes. The number one reason and the overwhelming majority was because their wife's refused to give them a blowjob. Either anymore or ever. So I would have to say that unfortunately your not alone in your problem but I would say your best efforts would be to try and communicate with her. Feel guilty about masturbating, even if your sex life was 100% up to speed there is nothing to feel guilty about. It's a perfectly normal thing to do but when it's used as a substitute for the real thing such as your wife is doing thats something to feel guilty about in my O/P.

Good luck resolving your situation.