What are the signs of a Mid Life Crisis?

[browneyed girl]

My first thought after reading your post was....wow! They definetly need some "spice" in their lives. Has it become the same ole` hum drum cycle?
If it has, then maybe you could try to add some fuel to that fire.
An example would be to do something that ya` all used to do, when you were dating.
I was married for 15 years, and I can honestly say, that I wish we would have taken notice of the "signs" of some of what you mentioned.
We was stuck in a rut, and we took each other for granted. It just became day in, day out. We loved each other too, but I felt like a dish rag most of the time. We recently had a child and that took time away from each other, and I guess we didn`t know how to separate "being parents" and keeping our marriage alive. It mostly went for "being parents" and then one day, it was like...."Wow! Who are you?"
My advice to you would be to make date night. Plan an evening out, go watch a movie together, go play putt putt golf, go ride go carts, etc... do something that you two can "have fun with." Find each other, or else this little side "secret" chatting will most definetly turn into more, even though you love your wife.
Your missing your "social" aspect of life. Try harder with your wife. Don`t try to find your emptiness with someone online. Good Luck!!!!!!!!

[Budde]

Well I know how easy it is to get in your situation believe me. Not sure if you mentioned kids or not but here goes. Plan a special night/weekend if at all possible with her alone. Send the little monsters off to Grandma's or any suitable baby sitter. Book a nice hotel room or you could stay at home. Home alone is a very good thing. Make reservations in a nice restaurant. Leave her a note or just plain come home and surprise her you know the flowers and card bit always works wonders. I don't think I need to tell you how to make the best use of that alone time, you'll figure that out all by yourselves

Make her feel special again and not like she needs you and everyone else to take a number just to ask her a question. Hey I know all too well how we get pushed to the back of the list. Kid's, homework, soccer practice, sick kids, school, laundry, house work and if she has a job too shit your lucky if you get 5 minutes next week some time.
So take her back, go after her like you did when you first dated. Women like romance and to feel special. Believe me if you can pull it off she most definitely will be thankful and so will you. The midlife crisis itch needs to be scratched once in a while but it's best scratched by the one you love.

Thanks for the feedback. It is helpful. After I posted I realized that I should have gave more family background. So a quick rundown. We have 4 girls- (12, 8, 6, 3) and we are way busy with dance classes 3 nights a week, PTO, business meetings, etc. Needless to say we are home around 7-8 every night. As for how much we each do for the relationship- I usually do the most housework. My wife handles the schedule for everyone. Which she says she hates that I don't take more responsibility for. She knows that is not my strong suit but I am working on doing more of that.

I think there are probably several factors for us as to the "spice" being gone. Kids, Money, and two areas I think she will never admit to: First, the fact I am the only guy she has ever been with. She says that she is very happy I am her only one but I can't imagine that she is. I mean she is human afterall and I know I would wonder if she were my only one. The second is: over the last six years I have had a lot of health problems. I have a bad back, which limits my ability to carry kids or do things like "the man should" in a relationship. I also developed an odd stress disorder called stiff person syndrome about 3 yrs ogo. I didn't work for a long time and have to be very careful about my stress levels. I just try not to worry about "shit". Which drives her nuts.

I know this is long but I think it paints a picture of what she deals with in our relationship. Now she knows I love her and will do anything for her but she is the type of person that A: does not like to hear "counselors" tell her what is wrong with her or us and B: her upbringing makes her a passive aggressive person. Example: She is mad about something but wants me to handle it. I am not mad so I tell her to. Problem with this is I can't express her feelings because I don't have the same ones. TENSION!!! Well enough said for now.

After reading your post I approached her again and we are talking about it some at least. I will work on some of those "spice it up things" though.

Thanks a bunch again!

[browneyed girl]

Personally, I think it would be pretty "special" to have just had sex with the man that I was married too. I don`t think its necessary to have to be with diffrent partners in your life. She married you because she didn`t want to be with anyone else, ya` know?
Thats alot of kids. I just had the 1, and we lost each other anyway.
A couple of suggestions for you would be to get a babysitter. If money is tight, get a family member, or a friend that you can trust to watch your kids.
You don`t have to go out on the town to make it special. You can plan something right at home.

[Budde]

Now don't sell yourself short. There are plenty of women and men for that matter who have absolutely no problem being with the one and only one person, it's called being in love. After reading your last post your case doe not sound all that unique. I don't mean that in a bad way it's just we all get caught up in the trap sooner or later. Some are lucky enough to head it off at the pass but some fall in to the hole and have to dig their way out. You've accomplished the first step your talking about it thats great. Just try to have patients with her and yourself. This situation isn't going to go away over night. It's taken this long to get to be the way it is and it will take some time to right things back the way you'll both be happy with.

Good luck.....