How We Got Involved In Swinging

[Mark & Lin]

I'm sorry this is so long. I know that long posts tend to lose people's attention rather quickly, but I've pared this down as much as I possibly can.

We're often asked how we got involved in the Swing Lifestyle. After a few years of telling the story over and over again, I finally decided to sit down and write it out, in full, in the hopes that it will satisfy not only the curiosity in others, but in ourselves as well. What do I mean by that? Sometimes by writing things down in an organized manner, I can better understand my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Organizing my own thoughts, as it were.

Let me preface this by saying that swinging is NOT for everyone. We know this, and accept it. We are in no way attempting to sway anyone's thoughts, decisions, or emotions, nor are we attempting to 'recruit people' or justify our own actions. This is simply an explanation of how we got involved in swinging to begin with. Let me also say that safe sex is a must. We only have one body, and we have to take care of it. If you can't wrap that rascal, keep it in your pants!

Lin and I met while we were both in the US Army, and were married in 1988. From the beginning we've had a very active, and very satisfying sex life. Let me stop here for a second and tell you that I'm the kind of guy that gets excited by genuine female excitement. I feed off of it. If the woman isn't really enjoying it, neither am I. Nothing in this world is more exciting to me than seeing Lin orgasm. To that end, all of our foreplay, sex play, and discussions are centered on her arousal - I get my arousal that way.

We've always been relatively open with each other, and are now able to freely discuss anything that's on our minds. When we first married, however, she was pretty reserved. As my new bride, she was a bit hesitant to openly explore various fantasies with me, no matter how much I encouraged her to do so. Over the years, she relaxed quite a lot, and began to open up to me a lot more - once she figured out that I meant it when I told her that she could tell me anything at all, and that I wouldn't be upset with her.

We had both been married previously, and both of us had been left by our former spouses for someone else. That fact alone gave us an extra layer of mutual respect, in that both of us having been on the receiving end of that equation, neither of us wants to be the one to cause the other that much pain again.

As our marriage progressed, she felt more comfortable in discussing some of her fantasies with me. Some, but still not all. I sometimes had to approach a subject with her, because she was still very hesitant to make the first move. One thing we had in common from the start was a love for erotic stories, letters, and written forms of sexually explicit material in general. Now I'll admit I'm sometimes not the quickest on the uptake, so it took me a while to notice that whenever I brought home a new magazine, she would immediately turn to the stories or letters that involved one woman and multiple men. I didn't ask her about it at first, but rather just left her to her fantasies, and enjoyed the benefit of her arousal.

After about 3 1/2 years of marriage, I finally did approach the subject with her. She was understandably hesitant to talk about it at first, but eventually did open up to me completely. She told me that it all went back to her first marriage. She had been married to a very domineering man for 15 years, and he was the sort of man who thought that foreplay was a waste of time. His attitude was they were there for intercourse, so why bother with anything else? As a result, Lin wound up being left frustrated more often than not. When he was finished, that was that - end of story. In order to help arouse herself, she began to fantasize about another man in the room, ready to take over when her husband finished, thus allowing her to climax as well. That fantasy evolved from one man to several men, each waiting their turn to have sex with her as each previous man climaxed inside her. This fantasy helped her immensely, and became her favorite even after they separated, and we got married.

At first I just listened and asked a few questions here and there, never considering it to be odd or anything like that. I knew that lots of women had similar fantasies, and that this was simply a normal thing. I started gearing the magazines, adult videos, and stories toward that fantasy. There's no lack of such erotica out there, so I purposely looked for it. She's always loved sex toys, and we had a selection of dildos and vibrators that I began to use on her, sometimes talking to her about 'the other man' as I did so. We teased and talked to each other about the nameless other man, and it never failed to stimulate us both to huge climaxes.

Our sex life went from great to fantastic, partly because of the erotica that I brought home, partly from the teasing and talking, and partly because she saw for herself that I didn't consider those kinds of fantasies to be any sort of threat to our relationship. On the contrary - I thought of it as a wonderful enhancement to what we already had.

After about 6 months, I began to have thoughts about actually trying it for real. I must stop and say right here that during this 4-year period, we had transferred duty stations twice, going from the US, to an overseas assignment, then back to the US again. I got out of the army in 1991, after the Gulf War, and followed her while she stayed in. All of my initial discovery of her fantasies took place while we were overseas. It was once we were back in the US and settled into our new assignment that I began to have these thoughts. I didn't talk to her about it for quite a while - close to a year. A few months after I began to have these thoughts, Lin was sent to a 3 month long school out of state. During our time away from each other I began to do some very deep soul searching.

My thoughts ran the gamut from figuring out whether or not I'd be immediately jealous that somebody else was actually touching my wife, to how the heck I could even approach the subject with her. At first I agonized about it, then the more I thought about it, the less of a dilemma it became. I began to use what I considered at the time to be logic. It went something like this…

Wouldn't this be the same as cheating? No. Cheating, in our opinion, involves lies, fraud, or some other form of deceit. If everything is out in the open, with no secrets or subterfuge, how could it be cheating? Isn't this just adultery? In the strict sense of the word, I imagine it is, but if every one is agreeable, what harm can come from it? Who would benefit from it if we did it? All of us, obviously. Who would be hurt by it? Potentially, all of us again - unless strict guidelines were agreed to and adhered to from the beginning. I then moved on to the more emotional issues.

Who did she love? Me. Would she love the other person? I don't know - no, probably not - in fact, certainly not. Who would she come home with at the end of the day? Me. Would the other man be taking anything away from our relationship? That was the tough one. I had been raised to believe that sex was something that people who were in love did. Even as a teenager I equated sex with love. It wasn't that the thought of sex as a recreational thing was foreign to me, it was just that it wasn't anything I had ever thought of. I knew there were people who called themselves swingers (or wife-swappers at the time.) And I thought I knew what that meant. I now know that I didn't know a thing - I just thought I did.

The big question was, could I separate sex from love to the point that I could allow another man to have sex with my wife? I really thought long and hard about that one. I discovered that over time, the more I thought about it, the more the thought excited me. I finally decided that I could. The thought of Lin having sex with someone else while I was there, and the excitement she would be experiencing, became more and more exciting to me the more I thought about it.

Would I be jealous? That was the big one, and probably the hardest one to put into words. Yes, I would be jealous - but how would that jealousy manifest itself? I'm not a violent person, so I knew that wouldn't be a factor. I'm not a manipulative person, so this wouldn't be used as leverage to get my way down the road for something else entirely. I'm not good at keeping thoughts and ideas to myself, so Lin would know something was wrong. How would I handle it? Again, my mind wandered down the road of what, at the time, I thought was logic: "This whole thing is your idea, dude. You'll handle it by going through it and discussing it with her after the fact, and going from there."

[Mark & Lin]

I know I didn't explain that very well, but that's what I was thinking at the time. It's funny, but as I look back on it now, the thought of being naked with another naked man never entered my mind. I'll say right here that I don't have a homophobic bone in my body. I think that whatever consenting adults do behind closed doors is simply none of my business. Gay men and Lesbian women don't bother me in the slightest. It's not for us, Lin and I are both straight, but it's just as normal as being anything else in this world. So the thought of my body accidentally coming into contact with another man's body never entered my mind. It still doesn't - I just don't care. We're not getting naked to play with each other, we're getting naked to play with this nude woman who has so graciously presented herself for our pleasure, and most importantly, hers… but I digress…

Having settled it in my mind, albeit in a rather jumbled fashion, I began to think about how I would talk to Lin about it. As the time for her to return home drew nearer, I began to get more and more anxious about it. Would she think I was a freak? Would she demand that we drop the subject, and leave fantasy a fantasy? Would she start wondering if I really loved her if I was so willing to share her with someone else? I had those questions and many more, and the worst part was, I couldn't truthfully answer any of them with any degree of certainty. I was truly lost. I thought I kind of knew the answers, but I couldn't be sure.

When she got home from school, I let things lie dormant while we got used to being together again, and settled into life. The school was only 100 days long, but that seemed like an eternity to us. Once the excitement of her being home settled down, my thoughts of the MFM threesome came back. After about a month of thinking over how best I could approach the subject, I kind of invented a ritual we enjoy to this day - 'The Dirty Drive.'

We both love to explore. We both love to go for a ride in the car, and just get out on the road and go in no particular direction to see what we can see. We have some of our best discussions in the car. It's hard to explain, but for some reason getting out of the house, away from everyone and everything, and into a place where we truly are alone with each other changes our whole point of view. We're able to discuss things more openly and concentrate on each other, rather than distractions like telephones, kids, family life, and just other people in general. One Friday evening, as the sun was setting, I asked her if she wanted to go for a ride. She readily agreed, and off we went.

As we made our way out of town, we made small talk, getting the normal chitchat out of the way. When we were out in the suburbs, I began to turn the conversation more toward sex, and our fantasies. I could tell that she was becoming aroused by our conversation. With a deep breath, I finally asked the question; had she ever thought about making her MFM fantasy a reality? She thought about it for several minutes, during which time I think I held my breath, before answering that she had, but was afraid of all the possible consequences. I know I let out a sigh of relief - not because she had thought about consequences but because she hadn't thought less of me. I told her that we could talk about it, if she wanted, and work through any consequences we thought might come up, and she agreed with me.

During the rest of our ride, I asked her a multitude of questions while I explained everything I had thought through during her absence. She listened to me, answered my questions, and offered a few of their own. In that one 3-hour drive, we became more relaxed with the idea in general, and the thought of actually doing it aroused us both. I never came right out and asked her if she wanted to do it - and in fact, I told her that I didn't want an answer to that question right then. It was something that we both had to seriously think about for a while.

No, we didn't go home and have the sex of a lifetime. We did have sex, but it probably one of the most intimate experiences I've ever had. I remember vividly how we watched each other as we made love. Each of us seemed to be gauging each other's reactions, and I'm sure we both had more questions than answers when we fell asleep.

We talked about it for a few months after that. It was a frequent topic, and one that we put a lot of serious thought into. We made our 'dirty drives' a lot dirtier by talking through some of her fantasies, with me playing with her as I drove, and her getting more and more excited with each passing mile. One night in early 1993, she told me that she wanted to try it. She thought that we could both handle it, and she wanted to experience it at least once. That’s the night we went home and had the sex of a lifetime.

Having both decided that we really wanted to do this, the question then became 'who?' Who would we approach with this idea? We knew that we didn't want to invite a total stranger into our bed - there are a lot of freaks in this world, and we didn't want to take the chance that we'd invite the next Ted Bundy to come play with us. We didn't want to jeopardize either of our working relationships by choosing a co-worker (and to be honest, nobody I worked with would have fit the bill anyway.) We both knew that the man had to be single, and still today that's one of our criteria. We refuse to make Lin 'the other woman,' so all of her playmates are either single, or part of a lifestyle couple who plays separately on occasion.

After a week or two, she told me about a guy who worked in a different office than her (I'll call him George, for the sake of discussion,) whom she had been flirting with. Let me say here that Lin is a flirt - she always has been. She's never been a tease, and all of her 'flirt-buddies' know that it's all just sexy banter, and nothing else. She thought that this guy would be a likely candidate. I went to her office and she introduced me to him that day. He was a nice guy, and as we all chatted, Lin really raised the flirting bar. She later told me that she did it on purpose, with me there, to let him know that I knew about it, and was fine with it. When she got home that night, of course we talked about it. Yes the whole thing excited her, and yes we did have some very intense sex that night.

By this time, it's spring of 1993, and Lin had come down on orders to be transferred overseas again. We were to leave that fall, so we didn't have much time left where we lived. We looked at it as a good thing - our logic being that if we had the experience, and didn't like it, we would soon be leaving the area, George, and any associated problems behind.

My questions soon became about George. Would he try to take Lin away from me? Would he see our threesome as the green light to try to get into her pants whenever he felt like it? Would he try to push the issue if she turned him down? Would he be discrete, or would he tell everyone he knew that he had 'been there, done that?' I got to know George a little better, and just being around him assured me that most of my fears were unfounded. He just didn't seem to be that kind of guy.

To cut to the chase, the three of us eventually got together. That first time was unlike anything Lin or I had ever experienced before. I'll admit at first I was nervous as hell - all 3 of us were. There was more nervous laughter in that house that day than anyone could imagine. We finally relaxed enough to just let it flow, and it certainly did.

After George left, of course we went for another dirty drive and talked about it. We both agreed that we'd had a wonderful time, and that George had been a good choice for our first encounter. Had I been jealous? Surprisingly, no. It had really excited me to see her receive that much pleasure. At first I had kind of detached myself, and looked at them as two people having sex, and not as somebody else having sex with my wife. As things progressed, however, it became a case of extreme arousal at just how turned on my wife was. Lin's initial reaction was that of surprise. In our fantasies, we can shape and mold things and people to the way we want them. Lin told me that in her fantasies, she had morphed the other man into a copy of me. When George came over, she had totally forgotten that everyone's different, and that he wasn't another me. Everything from the way he performed, down to the way he smelled was different. She hadn't planned on that. She had two different men, with two different styles of lovemaking, and she was surprised by how much that alone had turned her on.

We both agreed that it was certainly something we wanted to do again - and we did. We invited George over to our house several more times before we left for overseas again.

Once overseas, our exploration into this new facet of our sex life continued. By this time it was fall of 1993/winter of 1994, and this was long before we discovered computers or the internet, which was just basically starting to explode at that time. We met people through our own interaction with others, and through answering ads in local swinger's publications. At that time, there were several of those in most major cities around the world. While we were overseas, we continued to play exclusively with single men, both of us focusing on Lin, and having a total blast doing it. When it came close to time for Lin to re-enlist in the army, she decide that she'd had enough, so she got out of the army, and we came back home to the US in early 1997.

[Mark & Lin]

Things continued along as they had for the previous 3-4 years until about mid 2000. By this time, I had discovered computers and the Internet, and was surfing the web like most everyone else I knew. I discovered various local 'groups' online that catered to swingers, and we chatted with several people that way. We had also met our good friend through Lin's job by this time (I'll call him Tim for purposes of discussion.) Tim told us about this local on-premise swinger's club, where people were welcome to make use of a special 'party room' for sexual play. Of course that intrigued both of us. We got directions to the club and went a couple of times, but we just watched and never participated. To be honest, we were both too scared to do anything if we had been invited to.

If you've noticed, up until now, I've never mentioned another woman being involved in our extra-marital sex play. There are a couple of reasons for that. First of all, the primary focus of our whole exploration of polyamory was Lin, and her fantasies. Second, I just wasn't interested in another woman. Oh sure, I looked at other women - every man does. But I was more than happy with our sex life together, and still am. I had never tried to get Lin to consider another woman, because that just wasn't what we were looking for. One thing we discovered, however, was that it seemed that the overwhelming majority of people we met online, or found in local swinger's ads were couples looking for couples, or that elusive single bi female. Sure there were several single males looking to get involved with women and couples, but we also discovered that the majority of them were actually married, and were just looking for 'a little on the side,' and didn't care how they got it. We heard every kind of sob story imaginable, and a few that weren't even imaginable, to justify their cheating. We really became quite disillusioned, and rather disgusted with the whole ordeal. We continued to go to the swinger's club, but we only watched other couples, and never participated with anyone other than each other. Eventually we relaxed enough to actually have sex with each other there while other people watched.

It was about this time that I started chatting with a man online who lived in a city about 3 hours away from us. He seemed like a nice guy, and Lin found him to be attractive, based on the pictures he sent us. He was very up front with us about everything, and told us that he was indeed married, that they were both swingers (I'll call them Fred & Ethel for purposes of discussion.) He told us that he did indeed have permission to play alone when he was in our city, and had done so several times. This whole topic of discussion soon led to the possibility that I would play with another woman. At about the same time, during one excursion to that swinger's club, we bumped into a woman I worked with, and her husband. We spent quite a bit of that evening talking about life, the universe, and everything (not to mention the 'oh my God, what are you doing here' factor) but we didn't get together.

Lin and I realized that my playing with another woman was becoming a real possibility if we continued on the way we were going. This led to our backing off from all of our extra-marital activities for a while and re-assessing our relationship, wants, desires, fantasies, and feelings. I never pressured her in any direction, one way, or another. Truth be told, I was too busy evaluating my own feelings about the subject.

At first Lin was dead set against it, and I was fine with that. Over the course of about a month, however, she started to change her mind on her own. I had changed jobs during this time, so I didn't see that co-worker of mine 4 times a week anymore, but Lin was still uncomfortable with me being with her. She was more concerned with the woman becoming emotionally involved with me, and wanting me to come over to her house for play while Lin was gone, than anything else. While I reassured Lin that would never happen, she didn't want to get to the point where it could ever even come up, let alone happen. I was fine with that.

One evening, I got an IM from Fred & Ethel, telling us they were coming to our town to do some Christmas shopping at one of the big malls here, and they wondered if we'd come to meet them over sodas in the food court (they were bringing their 3 teen-aged children with them, so things had to remain innocent.) Lin and I talked it over for a bit, and we told them that we'd love to meet them. We met this couple, and their kids, and hit it off immediately. They were genuinely a great couple, and ones we would have loved to hang out with on a social basis if we all lived closer together. By the end of that evening (we chatted while their kids shopped) we were all completely relaxed with each other, and were talking like we had been friends for years. On our way home later that night, Lin shocked the holy hell out of me by saying, "Now HER I would have no problem with you being with." I almost wrecked the car.

We talked about it the whole way home, and the next day. We then dropped the subject for a couple of weeks to give ourselves time to sort out our feelings. One weekend, after the New Year, Lin told me that she had decided that she'd be interested in the 4 of us getting together. She decided that her main problem with getting together with anyone who lived close by was the possibility of emotional involvements. She figured that since Fred & Ethel lived 3 hours away, that was enough distance between us all that it wouldn't be a factor. Once we were both certain that we really wanted to do it, I called Fred and talked to him on the phone. We made arrangements to drive to their town and rent a hotel room, then call them to invite them over. We did, and we did - then we did it.

On the way home the next day, we were both quiet at first. Then we both started talking at the same time - it was actually rather comical. By the time we got home, we both decided that we'd had a good time, and that things were not only still fine between us, they were wonderful. Lin told me that she was nervous right up until the time I first crawled under the covers onto the bed with Ethel. After that, she said something that surprised me - she told me that she hadn't felt any jealousy at all, and was in fact kind of proud of me. When I asked her what she meant by that, she told me that she had listened to us on the other bed (our room had had 2 queen sized beds,) and heard all of Ethel's reactions to what I was doing. She said that the fact that I could give Ethel that kind of pleasure made her proud that she was married to me. I took the compliment with a bit of embarrassment, but accepted it just the same.

[Mark & Lin]

Lin's attitude changed toward me being with other women after that night. We decided to expand our horizons a bit, to possibly include couples rather than single men exclusively. Having that possibility a much more realistic thing, we discussed my getting a vasectomy to prevent any accidents (Lin had had a tubal ligation before we were married, so we were already safe there.) After a couple of months of discussion, I had one. It was while I was healing up from that little adventure (get one guys - it's one week out of your life - no biggie) that I met a guy online who would later become, along with is wife, our closest friends in the lifestyle (I'll call them Max & Annie for purposes of discussion.)

Max & Annie have been in the lifestyle for longer than we have, especially as a full-swap couple. Our full swapping experience prior to meeting them was that one time with Fred & Ethel. I was chatting with Max online, and he invited us to a house party in their home. We had never been to a house party before, so I told him that I'd get back to him about it after I talked with Lin. We discussed it, and decided to give it a try. I'm here to tell you now that we've been hooked on house parties ever since, and host them in our home on occasion.

We became regulars at Max & Annie's parties, and in fact sort of commandeered one of their bedrooms as our own, keeping some robes in the closet, and basic toiletries in the bathroom. The 4 of us became fast friends, and it became a ritual for us to go out to breakfast the morning after a party, with us usually getting home well into the afternoon. Work, however, forced them to move out of state, and we haven't seen them in about 2 years. We still IM and e-mail, however, and plan on getting together again soon.

Since that first party in late 2001, things have basically stabilized. We're still living in the same area, we still swing, we still have single male playmates over (including Tim,) and we still love each other just as dearly as when we said, "I do."

So, that's the whole story about how we got involved in this lifestyle from the beginning, until today. We have a "circle of friends" that consists of about 10 couples and 3 or 4 single men, and we get together as the various moods strike us all. We try to have a party at least every 3 months, and we all really have a good time. We still meet new couples and single men on occasion, but we're not actively looking to expand our "circle of friends" at this time.

Swinging has worked for Lin and I very well. Let me reiterate that it is NOT for everyone. It takes a very strong, stable relationship with 100% dedication to that relationship by both partners to work. It requires that you be able to freely and openly communicate with each other, and be able to discuss you wants, needs, desires, and fantasies without hesitation. It requires that you be able to separate sex from love, and the ability to understand that recreational sex is real, and in and of itself is not a threat to your relationship, unless you choose make it one. It requires absolute trust between you and your partner. It also requires 100% openness and honesty, as well as 100% approval by both partners with any kind of pressure or coercion. Swinging will not cure a failing relationship - in fact, it can make it much worse by introducing new people and new emotions into your existing problems. Swinging will not solve any marital crisis. It is not the silver bullet that will magically cure a waning sex life.

We look at each of our playmates as an augmentation to an already fantastic sex life, and never as a replacement for anything at all. We have made up a set of rules for both of us to follow, and we stick to them. Any changes to these rules are discussed, as well as any new additions. We set limits and boundaries and respect each other's wishes, needs, wants, and desires. We have mutually decided that if either of us begins to have any change of heart toward swinging, we will stop immediately. We're very serious about our relationship, and nothing is more important to us than that.

I'm sorry that this became an e-novel. Those of you who know me know that once I get started, I just keep rolling along. If anyone has any questions, comments, or suggestions, please don't hesitate to post a reply here or e-mail us through the address in our profile.

[Mark & Lin]

Originally Posted by Mark & Lin

It also requires 100% openness and honesty, as well as 100% approval by both partners with any kind of pressure or coercion.

WITHOUT any kind of pressure or coercion.

That's a dangerous typo, and it won't let me edit it - sorry about that...

[Cherry]

Mark, thank you so much for posting this! I knew this would be an awesome read and resource for someone with questions! You're just so awesome, and I'm glad you're here!

[Mark & Lin]

Thank you Miss Cherry - I'm glad I'm here too. I don't know how awesome it is, or how awesome I am, but it certainly is quite a read. I only hope someone gets something positive out of it. The whole point is to get people who may be contemplating something like this to think about several things that they may not be thinking about right now.

[XStripper777]

Ann, I loved the way you brought to the front several key parts of Mark's story... and then gave your own thoughts on them. I know when Justtobesure told me what different parts of my "Sexy letter to my Husband" that she liked, and commented on "why" she liked them, it really let me know that she was paying close attention to what I had written. It let me know that she was paying attention... and that she totally understood what I was saying. And, of course, it made me feel really good because she was telling me different things that she liked about the letter.

By doing this here, you've not only brought to light a few of the key points in Mark's story, you added your own advice, suggestions, and thoughts to them as well. That's one of the things I love about you. You really interact with us... you don't just sit up on your "high horse" and jump asses when you don't like what's being said, lol. You really enter the conversations and discussions, offer your own suggestions, and are comfortable with the fact that some people don't agree with you, or want to offer advice or suggestions that are totally opposite of yours. It shows that you're a caring person, and you really care about us getting real opinions... not just those opinions that are the same as yours.

The fact that you highlighted several parts of this story and commented on them shows that you read the whole thing (not just skimmed over it) and really payed attention to what it said. I have to appreciate that in you.

I also must say again that I really appreciate that you shared your story with us, Mark. I must compliment you on the fact that you didn't tell your story in an attempt to "convert" others to that lifestyle, or to show others that it is "right" or "wrong". It wasn't, in any way, biased... just very informative. However, at the same time, you didn't put it in such a clinical tone that it took out all of the emotion. You shared how you were feeling... without worrying that we might think your feelings were immature or unfounded. You shared the things that you worried about... and I admire that. You also made it a point to really stress how great you and Lin communicate. You never failed to relay to us the fact that your ability to communicate openly with your wife was a key element in why this lifestyle works for you. You let us know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the fact that you're "sharing your wife" doesn't mean that you don't love her dearly. That, in my opinion, is something that many people feel (I used to feel the same way.)... that someone who could share their partner, must not really love them. It is so obvious in your story that you do love your wife... dearly.

Your story was absolutely beautiful. And I think the thing I loved the absolute most about it, is that it sends a message to EVERYONE... not just those who would like to become swingers, or those who already are swingers. You send the message to EVERYONE that communication and trust are key elements in a relationship... ALL RELATIONSHIPS... not just those who are swingers. You've inspired me to be more open with my own husband... even if we never decide to swing. You inspire me to trust him more, and to communicate more openly with him. And you inspire me to "enjoy" him more. Even with things that you didn't even discuss... Yesterday, I was compelled to pull him to me and just hug him while our kids were hunting Easter eggs... before that, while we were hiding the eggs together for the kids, I couldn't help but stop what I was doing, walk up to him, and just grab his face for a big kiss... then just stand there and hold him. I really enjoyed him yesterday, and I know that it had a lot to do with how inspired I was by your story. We should all learn to enjoy our partners more. Maybe "swinging" isn't the right way for all couples to enjoy each other, but there is something there, for each and every couple, that we should enjoy about one another. And you've taught me that I shouldn't forget to do it... and that I should strive for that. Even though that may not necessarily be the message you were trying to send out there, you still did a great job of it, simply by showing how much you and Lin enjoy each other. You certainly made my Easter more enjoyable because I enjoyed Jody so much more.

I just want you to know that, by sharing your story, you've made a difference in how I see my husband. I want to communicate with him more, I want to be more open and honest with him (even though we didn't necessarily have a problem with that as it was), and you encouraged me to thoroughly "enjoy" just being with him. You and Lin are an inspiration! You should be very proud of the fact that people can look at your relationship with your wife and take something away from it that will help them to have a better relationship with their own lovers. So, thank you so much, again, for sharing your beautiful story!

[Mark & Lin]

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

Mark,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. There's so much for others to learn from it. I enjoyed this so much, I'd love to comment on a few things, well actually share the things that went through my mind as I read it...

I was SO glad to read this...that you as a man, had these thoughts. I was the one to bring up a threesome with a female friend to Larry and even though it was MY idea and MY request, I still struggled with all these questions. And it was a little different with us because Larry was going to play with her too.

I think some don't realize the soul searching this kind of thing can take. Both partners really have to decide if it's something they're comfortable with. You can't just do it...that's usually when most problems happen because people don't really think about it until it's real and in front of their faces...then the reality of it is too much.

A lot of deep thought went into our decisions. Who knew we were capable of it? The first couple of times we had a friend over, I found myself detaching from the situation a bit - I wasn't watching a guy have sex with my wife, I was watching two people have sex. I decided that I didn't like that, and now focus on the fact that she IS my wife, and that she's enjoying the added sensations a second man can give her.

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

This is a great way to look at this. Many men have a problem with this kind of thing because let's face it, if you're all adults playing together...while the guys may not have intercourse, you'll still be involved with one another intimately and that has to be something that BOTH men can handle. And the understanding that if your butts or other parts do touch, it doesn't make either one of you gay. And even if you were it's not a bad thing. Just had to comment on that...very well said!

I think of it in football terms. Incidental Contact is no foul - but Pass Interference will get you kicked out of the game - lol...

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

I hope EVERYONE that reads this story takes note of this. I LOVE this. Yes, in order to discuss important issues with your partner you need time and a little peace and quiet. Too many couples today are in such a rush and don't allow the proper time and environment to really discuss and open up to one another. The fact that you actually get out of the house to do it? That's just awesome, you guys rock!!!!

I really can't tell you why, but for some reason we just seem to be able to talk more freely when we're in the car. Our best conversations happen while we're traveling. It's both funny and strange at the same time, but it works for us...

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

This is also wonderful. You made it clear to your wife that you didn't require, need or even want an answer right away. That's how it should be...When we surprise our partners with an idea, especially something very new sexually, we can't expect our partners to respond right away. We need to give them time and space to mull it over in their owns minds. You understood that you did some serious soul searching on it and your wife may need time to do the same. By giving her that time, I'm sure she felt very secure that you'd accept whatever answer she gave you whether it was yes or no. Your communication is awesome! It sounds very similar to the great communication that Larry and I have and that I try to get across here for others. So folks, bring up these topics to your partners, but give them time to digest it and decide it and be prepared to wait a week, a month or even a year for your partner to come around.

I know you weren't eluding to it, but we have seen first hand what happens when one of the couple is pressured or forced into something like this. It never works. Why would somebody want to do that to their mate anyway? Where's the respect there? In our case, I know how long it took for me to come to grips with my own emotions, so I thought that I at least owed Lin the same courtesy. Snap decisions when it comes to something like this rarely turn out for the better.

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

Even though our g/f was an absolute dream in this area, I could trust her completely, this is a fear many have. However, the one thing I learned, is that when we think this, we're not giving our partners enough credit for their loyalty. It would be a breach of friendly trust for a playmate to try to take a partner away from us, but if our partner's really care for us, they won't leave us and won't even be tempted to go. A person that does that is not a playmate nor do they want to be, in my opinion. It seems they're more on a hunt for a mate...and that's not the kind of person you want in your bedroom.

I think that's something that goes through everyone's mind. It's related to that, "What if she likes him more than me?" Give your mate a little more credit than that. After all, YOU'RE the one they've chosen. If you're concerned that something like that could possibly happen, don't even experiment with this kind of thing. You already have trouble coming, so don't involve others in it when it comes.

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

Awesome!!! Here's a couple of questions...Can you tell us about your discussion with your wife after this first time and this first night? Larry and I rehashed everything in our long drive home from the moment play started to when we said good-bye to her a couple of days later. I mean every little detail! We talked about when I felt jealous or insecure or left out and when he did, when he was concerned or felt left out,etc. Can you elaborate on your first experience too? Did you experience any moments of jealousy or feeling left out and how did you handle it? Things like that will be helpful because even though a couple discusses things, these little, but important issues can still creep into play.

To be honest, the whole thing is a blur to me. I was so keyed up on adrenaline, I don't remember a whole lot about it. Weird, I know, but that's the case. I never felt left out, because I was right there in the middle of it. As I said before, I kind of detached myself from the situation, thinking that I needed to to keep from becoming jealous. Turns out that it wasn't necessary. I actually like to watch her do it now - knowing that she's going to climax that much harder does it to me every time. Jealousy doesn't enter into the equation with us. It still could if either of us thought there was any cheating going on behind the scenes, but that doesn't happen with us. There's no need to sneak around. We discussed our first time that night, of course, and we got into some pretty juicy detail, and of course that just got us all hot and in a bother again, but we worked that out of each other's systems...

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

Something else I think some couples don't understand is the re-evaluation period when changes are possibly on the horizon. When you make rules, you ALWAYS play by those rules until it is decided otherwise...and you and Lin knew that and reassessed. But I love the fact that she was totally against bringing women in at first, but then after mulling over it, changed her mind. This is the perfect example of letting an idea linger for a bit! People need time for an idea to really take hold, especially if it's something they've always been against or have had difficulties with in the past.

We talk about this subject a lot, and get each other's opinions on every aspect of our sex lives. Lin has told me that the fact that I never really brought it up is what convinced her to start considering another woman being added to the mix. Looking back on it now, I think that if I had, she wouldn't have been very receptive to the idea. That wouldn't have bothered me at all - remember, we're still primarily in this for her pleasure. I'm sure we'd both regret not having met some of the people we've met in this lifestyle, but that's another issue. We really have no regrets, and we only hope that we never do. I don't see anything becoming a problem, because we've both decided to quit our swinging activities at the first sign of either of us becoming uncomfortable with anything at all.

Originally Posted by Ann Andriani

Thanks so much for sharing with us. I hope you don't mind my comments. I know your story will helpful to others.

Ann

I'll admit we were both a bit nervous about posting so much personal info, but I left nothing that could identify us. Names were changed, and locations were purposely left pretty vague, so I don't think there will be any problems. I'm pretty passionate about our relationship, and hopefully others can get a glimpse into what kind of thoughts run through a guy's mind when contemplating something like this. Do a lot of thinking, talking, and most importantly, LISTENING. You both have to be 100% certain that something like this is really what you want to do. You can't go half-way. Nobody should ever be put into the position that they wind up 'taking one for the team.' That never works out either...

[Mark & Lin]

Originally Posted by XStripper777

I just want you to know that, by sharing your story, you've made a difference in how I see my husband. I want to communicate with him more, I want to be more open and honest with him (even though we didn't necessarily have a problem with that as it was), and you encouraged me to thoroughly "enjoy" just being with him. You and Lin are an inspiration! You should be very proud of the fact that people can look at your relationship with your wife and take something away from it that will help them to have a better relationship with their own lovers. So, thank you so much, again, for sharing your beautiful story!

You're very welcome. I didn't really think of it as something that would bring couples closer together, but if that's a side effect, wonderful. I've always wondered what makes some couples drift apart like they sometimes do. I mean is it complacency or something similar? Few of us remember that our mates are the same people we dated. We couldn't wait to finish work just so we could go be with that person. We bought little gifts, and planned our weekends around just being with him or her. So what's changed? Nothing, if you make sure you never forget that. Still, some couples seem to go out of their way to come up with reasons to be away from their mates. It just doesn't make any sense to me...

Love him like it's your last day on Earth - one day, you'll be right...