What Happens at a Swing Club?

[Mark & Lin]

I may have posted something very similar to this elsewhere, and I do apologize for that, but I've been asked this question a lot, and I feel that it's time to answer some of the questions I've gotten in a more public forum.

What happens at a Swing Club? Well - what do you want to happen? There are so many possible answers to that question; it's almost impossible to answer in a short sentence. Some people have a mental image of some massive orgy in the middle a dance floor that anyone can just dive into - it's not. Some think that a club is a meat market filled with predatory men out to grab their wives or force people to do something they don't want to do - it's not. Some might think that simply by walking in the door, they're obligated to have sex - they're not. Describing what happens at a swing club is kind of like trying to describe what happens at any kind of social function or party - it varies. You have to understand a few facts first…

There are basically two kinds of swing clubs - off-premise clubs, and on-premise clubs. Almost all of our experience is with on-premise clubs. The overwhelming majority of swing clubs are for couples only. Most will allow a couple to bring a single female with them as a guest, but few allow single men into the club at all. I know that doesn't sound fair, but the perception is that if single men are allowed in, the club will soon be nothing but single men looking to score. I don't necessarily agree with that, but that's the perception. A lot of couples (especially soft swingers, or couples new to swinging) are concerned with men aggressively pursuing a woman in a club. To eliminate that fear, most clubs have adopted a strict 'couples only' policy. With that in mind, everything I present here will be based on the assumption that you're a couple wanting to explore a club.

Off-premise clubs normally don’t allow any kind of open sexual activity on the premises - hence the name. They're usually clubs that cater to swingers who are looking for a place to meet, socialize, and make plans to explore a bit further someplace else. They may allow a little bit of nudity; then again they may not. Laws vary form place to place, and some laws don't allow some places that serve alcohol to also allow any nudity at all. Other than that, it's much like any other nightclub or lounge. The average nightclub frowns on couples trying to hook up on their premises, however, so special clubs were developed to take care of this niche market.

On-premise clubs allow sexual activity on their premises, and some encourage it in ways best left to the imagination. Again, laws vary, and some on-premise clubs don't serve alcohol - they're BYOB establishments. Usually, sexual activity is confined to special 'party rooms' or 'playrooms,' but not always. Nudity isn't common, but it isn't rare either - that really depends on the crowd. It's not uncommon to see people topless, flashing a bit here and there, or even a bit of petting and fondling. We've even seen men and women lose a game of pool, and as a result have to strip naked and streak the entire club - much to everyone's delight, and with a lot of cheering. Basically, when it comes to nudity or sexual activity; if you have to ask, take it to the playroom just to be safe…

There are also different types of swingers. They're broken down into two main groups - soft-swap (or soft swingers) or full-swap (or hardcore swingers.) Soft swingers are the kind most people can relate to. They're couples that don't trade partners, rather, they prefer to have sex with their mates, and don't have any interest in having sex with anyone else. They're more interested in the voyeuristic/exhibitionistic aspects of swinging, and prefer to keep it that way. It's been our experience that about half of the people who go to the clubs we frequent are in this category.

Full swap swingers can take on many forms - couples looking for the elusive single bi female are considered to be a part of this category. There are literally millions of couples looking for the single bi female who don't consider themselves swingers - well, they are… They're also the most numerous single sub-group of the lot. Some couples are looking for single males, some exclusively for other couples. The possible combinations are literally countless.

The average playroom is pretty basic - lots of sofas, loveseats, and ottomans for you to play on, or watch others play from. Some have mattresses, and huge pit-like sofas, while others will go so far as to provide a sex swing or Jacuzzi or two. Every club is different, so there's no real answer to what they're like. Every club tries to set its own mood. Some clubs have 1 playroom, and some have several - to include so-called 'private rooms.' Just a pointer here - if you see a private room with a door closed, leave it closed and move on.

What happens in the playroom? Well, nothing illegal. Other than that, basically anything you can think of. We've seen everything from one-on-one oral sex to 4-couple orgies. We've seen a woman blindfolded and put into a sex swing, then basically turned out to the crowd. If you can think of a possible combination, we've seen it. The only rule is everyone has to be agreeable to whatever it is that's happening, or may happen. See Rule #1 below. I have to stop here for a second and mention sex between men. Relatively speaking, that's not something that's seen much in the lifestyle, and we've never seen it in a swing club. That's not to say it doesn't happen, just that we've never seen it. I'm sure there are just as many bi men as there are bi women. Usually, however, that's kept behind closed doors, or in clubs that cater to that lifestyle. I'm not saying that it's seen as unacceptable, or a bad thing, I'm just saying that bi men tend to keep that behind closed doors, seeking to meet other bi men, or couples with bi men, through other means. I'll also say point blank that being naked in the same room with another naked man doesn't make you gay! That's junior high school talking. It had to be said…

I'll also take this time to tell you that safe sex is an absolute must. Some clubs do provide condoms, but some don't. Ultimately, it's up to you to protect yourself. We only have one body, so we have to take care of it. Do bring your own protection - just in case.

Some on-premise clubs are run from a commercial building, and some are operated out of the owner's private home. This last category of club has become more popular recently, as it's thought that the owners of the home present a safer, cleaner environment. I don't know how true that is, but that's the perception. A majority of clubs will require you to become a member. There's usually a fee involved with become a member, (usually about $40, which also covers that night's admission) and there's usually an admission fee to get into the club on subsequent evenings. With some clubs, that admission includes appetizers and an open bar, although some clubs are moving away from that to keep out the people who see that as '$40 - all you can drink!' and have no interest at all in swinging.

Almost all clubs have special events designed to get the crowd circulating and socializing. These events run the gamut from 'Naughty Nightie' parties to Mardi Gras parties, New Year's parties, Lingerie parties… the list is almost endless. Some of these parties, the New Year's parties especially, can have a higher admission fee, based on the event's popularity, and what the club is providing in addition to what's normally provided. Most clubs have a website that will have a calendar of events that will explain the event and any additional admission fees.

That leads me to another common question; "How should we dress?" Special events not withstanding, think casual-sexy. I'll address the men first, because that's always easier. Most clubs don't really have a dress code, but don't like to allow shirts with no collars - meaning T-shirts. A nice pair of slacks or jeans is fine, and a button up shirt or golf shirt is acceptable. Think casual, and you'll be fine. I've yet to see anyone in a suit and tie, although I have seen a kilt or two - talk about an ice breaker. Some men wear shorts in the summertime, and that's ok too. For the women, it's a bit more difficult to explain. We've seen everything from blue jeans and a western shirt to a fishnet body stocking, with nothing else. The club likes to try to provide a sexy atmosphere, and encourage both sexes to dress sexily. Your 'little black dress' would be very welcome, but if you should decide to turn it up a bit and be more daring, lingerie is always welcome at an on-premise club. If you're a bit more reserved, a skirt and nice blouse is perfectly acceptable as well. It's really your call.

The main socializing area of most clubs look like any other bar, lounge, or nightclub, and are operated in the same manner. Some, in fact, are normal lounges or nightclubs during the week, but they close their doors on weekends for 'private, couple's only parties.' There's usually music of some kind, a dance floor, and possibly pool tables or other such games. There are lots of places to sit and socialize, and some clubs have special activities or events to break the ice and get people circulating. There is a definite party atmosphere most of the time, depending on the crowd.

[Mark & Lin]

The first rule in swinging, and therefore the first rule at any club, is that no means NO! It can't be said any plainer than that. I don't know of a single club that doesn't vigorously enforce this rule. They're there to provide a safe, clean environment for like-minded people to socialize, meet, and maybe more. They can't do that if they don't strictly enforce Rule #1, as it's called. The swinging community is relatively small, and word travels fast within circles. Even a rumor of a club not handling situations properly would result in that club being avoided like the plague. The vast majority of swing clubs can't advertise like a regular nightclub can, so they rely on word of mouth. So they understand that adhering to Rule #1 is essential. I'm very serious here - no means no - period.

If anyone can't take no for an answer, gets insistent, obnoxious, or even grabby, all one has to do is let a staff member know, and the offending party WILL be taken aside and talked to, and removed if necessary - and not allowed back. I would say that 99.99% of swingers also take this rule as gospel, so the problem rarely comes up. We've seen it happen only a couple of times in 7 years, and it was always as a result of someone having too much alcohol. Most clubs frown on drunkenness as a result of this, and keep an eye out for its signs. It's fine to have a drink or two, and it's encouraged. Getting hammered, however, is frowned upon, and that person will most often find themselves being asked to leave, and not allowed back.

The first question we are asked is "Will I be expected to have sex with somebody else? What if I don't want to have sex with somebody else?" The answer is "Then don't." It needs to be stressed that you are under NO obligation to do ANYTHING other than abide by the rules of the club, and be polite - just like any other place. Almost every club has a printed list of rules, and will be more than happy to explain them to you - some even require that you read those rules and sign a copy of them as a condition of membership. You don't have to have sex with anyone, or at all for that matter. YOU are always in COMPLETE charge of your body, and walking into a swing club does not change that in any way, shape, manner, or form. Turning down an invitation to play with someone is very acceptable - it happens all the time. Nobody is attracted to everyone, and everyone knows that. A polite "Thanks, but no thanks," is perfectly acceptable. If there's a problem, see Rule #1. You don't owe anybody anything just because you're there. Just bring your party manners, relax, and have a good time.

Another one of the first questions we're asked is, "What if I see somebody I know there?" or, "What if somebody sees us there?" Lin and I had this question as well, although Lin had a bigger problem with it than I did. The answer to that question is, "So what?" Think about it - why is that person there? For the same reason you are. It does happen - it's happened to us. In fact it happened on our 4th visit to one particular club. Lin and I were sitting at the bar, ordering drinks, when I heard a familiar voice off to my left. I turned, and there was a woman I had worked with for the last 2 years, and her husband. After the initial "OH MY GOD! - YOU?" wore off, we all laughed about it and had a really good time that night. They're now some of our closest lifestyle friends, and come to all of our house parties.

Lin was very concerned that she'd bump into someone she worked with. She finally came to the conclusion that if that happened, she'd talk to the person and make sure everything was clear between them - work was one thing, and this is another. The two will remain separate. And if you think about it in another way, that other person stands to lose just as much as you do if things get out of hand. Is anyone really going to go to work Monday and announce, "Hey! Guess who I saw at a swing club Saturday night?" The first response would be, "What were you doing at a swing club?"

What I'm saying is that the swing community in every area is relatively small, so it does happen that people bump into people they may know from other aspects of life - especially in smaller towns like ours. You will have to come to terms with that however you see fit to do so. Rule #2 (see below) comes into play here. Generally speaking, it winds up not being such a bad thing. While at first you may be stunned or amazed that 'that person swings?' it's usually seen as not a very big deal soon after the initial surprise wears off. Besides - that gives you a couple to socialize with since you already know them.

Rule #2 is that discretion is a must. Leave what happens at a swing club at the swing club. It's fine to discuss it between yourselves, and even amongst your lifestyle friends, but it's considered bad form to discuss things with your non-lifestyle friends and co-workers. It does happen, but it's not usually considered being a good thing. A good friend of mine once gave me some fabulous advice - "Don't try to make your friends swingers, make swingers your friends." With that in mind, please leave your non-lifestyle friends out of the discussion. It really is nobody else's business.

So, now you see why my answer to the question, "What happens at a swing club?" is "What do you want to happen?" Truth be told, just about anything you can dream of can potentially happen - and I mean that in a good way. Swingers come in all shapes, sizes, and races. They come from both ends of the economic spectrum, and everywhere in between. They come from varied backgrounds, have varied interests. They're just people. The defining difference is they all share a common sexual interest, and view a club as a place to meet, socialize with, and just be around others with that same interest. There's a chance that something more than just socializing may come about - but there's an equal chance that it won't. It can be a place to play, or it can just be a place to make contact. It can be a place to watch, or a place to be watched. It can just be a place to hang out with some sexy people. It always is, however, what you make it.

Again, if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions, please don't hesitate to post them.

Mark