Ok is it me or is this messed up

[Budde]

A acquaintance of mine gave her 13 year old son a box of condoms, her reasoning was that kids are starting to do things much earlier then we did when we were younger and I don't want him coming home with anything.
So of course the kid shows all his friends what his mom gave him and it's cool! I can't wait to hear the back lash from his friends parents.
So I had to ask, did you or your ex have "the talk" with him. No they learn all that in school and from their friends was her response.

Now I am as sexual as the next person but am I being a little old fashion to think a 13 year old is too young to have sex? Wouldn't the more prudent thing have been to tell him to abstain from sex or plainly your just too young to have sex so don't even think about it or some other from of parental wisdom. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for sex education and safe sex etc. but this kid isn't even in high school yet.

[Gooch]

"Wouldn't the more prudent thing have been to tell him to abstain from sex or plainly your just too young to have sex so don't even think about it or some other from of parental wisdom."

When I was 13, a talk like that would only have made me want to do it more, the "Forbidden Fruit" effect being what it is. I don't have any kids that I know of, so feel free to stop reading here and disregard my opening statement, but I would think the whole point of having "The Talk" with a teenager is simply to lend your voice to the melee around them. At least you'll know that they're getting sane advice from somebody. I do agree with your friend that kids are doing things earlier than before, and you should be telling them something by that age, but I'm pretty sure that school and friends aren't the best sources of information by a long shot. I definetly agree with you in that simply giving a 13 year old a box of condoms and calling it a day is pretty irresponsible. I can't say for sure what the appropriate course of action is for a lot of reasons. Number one being that I never had the talk myself. My father died before I was a teenager and my mother came from the "If you talk about it, it'll only make him want to do it." school of sex education. As a result, I was pretty confused about sex for a lot longer than I should have been. So at least I know what I wouldn't do if I had a kid.

[Budde]

I will agree with you as far as "The Talk" possibly just making a kid want to try something because your tell he or she not to do it. So as a parent I would take the educated straight forward approach. Not telling them oh no sex is bad stay away it's evil but rather look sooner or later your going to want to try it but A: make sure it's safe sex and B: it should be with someone you care about etc. and C: whihc should actually be A first and foremost don't listen to your buddies because their all full of crap. Schools have taken the high road on sex education with HVI and other STD's being so prevalent in our society now and I think thats a good thing. Also preaching abstinence isn't a bad thing either it all depends on the kid but one thing I can say without reservation that 13 is too young to be having sex weather kids are doing it or not. Just because it's being done doesn't mean it should be considered ok. Do you know any 13 year old who have an attention span longer then 3 minutes? That supports my argument. One last thing Gooch just because you aren't a parent doesn't make your opinion any less valuable in my eyes. There are a lot of parents out there who have no business being parents. Just remember this, you need a licence to put in a toilet but you don't need a licence to have a kid.

[Cherry]

Well, I've been talking to my kids about sex for the past 3 or so years. Just basic stuff, educating them and making sure they're aware of what's out there AND getting them comfortable talking to me about some fairly private things. Fairly recently, it's gotten more "in depth" because my daughter is entering 7th grade this year, and she might start feeling more pressure, even tho she JUST turned 12. I've been totally blunt about it. I've told them that I don't WANT them having sex til they're old enough to understand its repurcussions, and can make smart choices. I've also told them that I can't stop them, if they decide to do it, but I'd rather they stay smart and safe and come talk to me first, so we can make sure they're protected and they understand what can happen.

Now, as to what I think of what that gal did with "educating" her son...I think she's only about HALF right. Giving him the box of condoms might very well be a good plan. But with the condoms, she shoulda had a good talk with him. I know that by the time MY kids are 14, there WILL be condoms in my home. And BOTH kids will know how to put them on properly. I think she might have been a LITTLE premature in buying condoms for her kid...But I don't know the total maturity level of her kid. I'm guessing it's not TOO high, since the first thing he did was show his buddies.

[Budde]

Cherry your approach is much more responsible and in the long run smarter & better then just tossing this kid a box of condoms and saying well I know your going to be doing this eventually weather I want you to or not so here. That was pretty much the gist of the conversation. Having sex is something we can never stop or kids from having at least if we have half a brain in our heads, but as much as our kids are more advanced lets say when we were their age we still have to apply parenting 101 and sometimes that means saying NO your not going to have sex until you are responsible enough to. Your a very smart woman Ms. Cherry I just hope by the time my son is old enough to have the talk I still have my whits about me enough to remember what the hell I'm talking about.........

[Cherry]

Heh. I dunno if I'm so smart, Budde. I just know how shitty I felt when my own mother freaked out when I asked to go on the pill...despite the fact that she'd TOLD me to talk to her about it, when I decided I wanted to have sex. I coulda been the Whore of Babylon with her response. I'd rather protect my kids than let them figure it all out on their own.

[Hope]

I'm not trying to stick up for this particular parent, but at least they're trying to do something. It's a lot more than what some teenagers will ever get from their parents when it comes to sex.

I ended up having the "big sex talk" wtih my parents when I was 20. I was taking a summer school class while I was home from college for the summer. I knocked on their bedroom door that night to let them know that I was home for the night. My dad says to me "Ya know, boys will say anything to get you to lay down with them. If you dont believe me, ask your mother when I'm not around." Not a word came from my mother.

If that's the extent of what kids these days are getting, if that much, I'm not the least bit surprised taht they're doing stuff earlier. There's a lot of hormones flying around and no one telling them what's going on or trying to help them figure it out. Then curiosity sets in. I'm not going to applaud this parent, but I'm not about to say that they're being responsible either.

Time has been stretched too thin for everyone throughout the day, to the extent that we arent able to realize how much time we spend running around trying to do everything that we dont get to enjoy anything. That's where the responsibility has gone, for everyone.

[Budde]

Well strictly speaking from my point of view the reason there is so much sexual promiscuity amongst younger kids this day is the Internet. Lets face it how many parents really monitor what their kids do on their computer. A great many of them are more computer savvy then we are and if the surfing sites their not supposed to they know how to cover their tracks.

On the other hand I feel even though it's not the place of our schools to raise our kids when it comes to issues like sex education they are head and shoulders above what we had when I was a kid. I also feel parents today are better informed and because of the talk like you got we know better then to have that kind of talk with our kids. My talk consisted of my old man cornering me when I was get this home on leave from boot camp getting ready to go into advanced infantry training school. He said when it comes to sex and I quote :Sex is ok and it's ok if you want to tear off a piece but none of the queer stuff" He was sweating profusely like he was under the hot lights and rubber hose treatment. I sat there in utter amazement, here I am getting ready to go off and learn how to kill and he's giving me the sex talk? WTF I think I got more out of the stupid US Army VD films that were of WWII vintage.

I just think she was way premature in tossing the excuse me I was mistaken 12 year old he will be 13 in a few months I was told instead of the hey your not ready for it talk and here's the reason why.

Like many of us I hated nothing more then the because I said so answer or because I am your father or mother and as long as you live under my roof speech. Kids are generally pretty intelligent these days and if you give them a reasonable explanation with your order it has a much better effect.

[Rhubix]

He's definitely not too young to be given condoms. I'm 23 and I know at least half a dozen people off the top of my head that were between 12-15 their first time. I know a couple, male 13, female 14 who got pregnant in fact.
The most sensible parent of my group of friends was a nurse. She spoke to her daughter frankly about having safe responsible sex. She suggested if she ever wanted to start having sex they would go to a doctor together and discuss birth control options. When the time came she went to her mother and she did just that. In turn this girl became the resident expert for our group of friends in a what to do situation. At the very least this girl had an open and honest source of information.
By 13 I think it's very sensible to have condoms available to a young man. After all, it's one of his few lines of defense as there are no pills for men yet. It's not enough however. It's essential that they're given advice on thinking about sex. Knowing when he should say no. Knowing that it's not shameful for a male to say no. AND knowing that when a girl says no she damn well means no because for every 2 girls I know 1 has been sexually assaulted in a minor or major way.
I think an open honnest discussion is the best policy. If you know you'll have a heart attack if your daughter asks for the pill ether tell her about your local health clinics or come up with a strategy. For my mother any big discussion would be a tell, run (so she had time to digest and freak out in private) and then discuss once she calmed her nerves. She would always start each disgussion with, I'm not mad I just like to have time to swallow information before saying something I don't mean.
What ever a parent needs to do to make sure their child is safe, informed, and has someone to ask for help.

[madstyle]

Originally Posted by Budde

Now I am as sexual as the next person but am I being a little old fashion to think a 13 year old is too young to have sex? Wouldn't the more prudent thing have been to tell him to abstain from sex or plainly your just too young to have sex so don't even think about it or some other from of parental wisdom. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for sex education and safe sex etc. but this kid isn't even in high school yet.

Budde I couldn't agree more with you that 13years old is very VERY young to start having sex however your never to young to start to learn about it. I started learning about sex at the age of 10 years old and got my first condom about a year later. Mom didn't like it very much but I benfited from learning at such an early age because I knew there was more to having sex than just having fun, but there could be consquenses if you think oh it won't happen you know what i mean. Then again I grew up in a mature house hold where all my friends where atleast 10 years older than me.

I could have lost my virginity along time ago but you know a very attractive lady who was into the whole sexology or whatever you call it also showed me the dark side sex and was just straight forward with it and asked me if I would be horney after I see photos of STD infections. I couldn't agree more.

I could be wrong here but if your going to expose it to them at an early age thats fine but I personally believe you must show them what could happen if you make the wrong dissision you know.