Why doesn't he come and how can i bring it up gently?

[lovebug]

I've been sleeping with someone for awhile and he has never once orgasmed it's so sad - i feel like it's something that i'm doing.. but i try so hard and always want to have sex with him... and he still wants to have sex with me! but we can have sex for hours (sometimes heh) and he won't come..he'll just stop and get up or put his boxers on ... i'm starting to wonder if this is to hide him going soft. i just want to know what i can do to help - it doesn't embarrass me or bother me but neither of us has ever brought it up! and now it's been almost two weeks and i feel like i'm begging for sex every day but he has a tummy/head ache or is tired. just seems to be a lot of excuses. i understand that if u never orgasmed from sex, the desire to have sex would decrease...but i care about him and we have amazing sexually chemistry when we do have it! sex is VERY important to me and i have a very high sex drive so this is making me crazy but i'm too much of a wuss to bring it up with him i don't want him to be embarrassed or afraid i'll think less of him. and now our relationship is getting a little more... relationship-y so communication is key! one morning he expressed wanting to have sex but then said "i don't think i can" .. i should have asked why but i didn't. anyone have any insight into what this might be? and how i can gently ask him? or fix it?? thank you so much.

[igor]

We have no way of knowing if he has a physical or a mental problem. We don't know his age or if he is on any medications that could be affecting his performance. it could be a form of performance anxiety (for example he is afraid of getting you pregnant). Does he maintain an erection? You didn't seem to sure about that in your comments. You should talk about it. I know it is hard sometimes.

[Ann Andriani]

Lovebug,

Chances are it's not anything that you're doing or not doing. Some men experience this problem at different times or with different partners throughout their lives. I can understand his decrease in desire for sex because he's put a lot of stress on this. But it doesn't have to be that way. I want to send you to a great podcast about this very topic. I believe your partner is experiencing delayed ejaculation, although he's getting frustrated and stopping before he gets there. Visit this link and have a listen to this podcast, I'm sure it will be very helpful to you. It's from Paul Joannides, the author of the fabulous book Guide to Getting It On.

http://www.pleasurereport.com/podcast.html

You may also find my article on premature ejaculation helpful. Most of the tips within can also be used for guys that have trouble ejaculating.

http://www.allsexguide.com/premature-ejaculation.html

The important thing is to not make a big deal about it. It seems like you really care about him so I'm sure you'll both be able to work on this, but you have to do it together as a team. Shutting down and avoiding sex will not make this go away or get any better.

Ann


If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

[essmtg]

lovebug,

I second Igor's post about his status if he is on any sort of medications that you might not know about. I can tell you firsthand that some of them absolutely destroy the ability to stay hard consistently and/or to reach orgasm. Some really do mess with your head and body's sense of feeling.

Otherwise, have you made sure he is very stress free and comfortable in every way when you have sex? If nervousness about the environment affecting performance is present, such as:

a cold draft(open window), too hot inside, you/him are not clean/presentable enough, time constraint, squeaky bed/frame, etc. it will certainly attribute to him not being able to orgasm easily.

If neither of these are a factor the best advice I can give you is to talk things through, if he is willing. If you feel talking too personally this early in your relationship is bad, then at least let him know all the things you wrote here about how concerned you are.

Performance anxiety is something that will probably go away with time as you get used to being with each other. I wouldn't freak out too much if the sex is good keep enjoying it and let him know how much you enjoy it too, it'll be sexy for him.

[lovebug]

thanks so much for your replies! i will be sure to read that article and listen to the podcast. i'm certain he is not on any medication but i know that he has smoked weed for a long time and have heard that this can cause erectile difficulties. sometimes it seems he has trouble staying hard or getting there..often in the mornings he is not hard and has trouble maintaining an erection it seems. not sure if it's cuz we have sex for a long time though and he just gets bored instead of orgasming lol. thanks again am glad to hear that this is probably performance anxiety because that's an eventual fix

[essmtg]

on a follow-up note:
Yes smoking weed will hurt one's ability to stay hard because the mind can wander off of the action and build-up to orgasm can be...frustrating at times with high chance of losing focus along the way.

Mornings are a bad time for me to maintain erections just as a regular thing, and probably for many guys like yours. Although we get erections from sleeping due to the pressure from sleeping on it, our minds are not awake enough to stay focused or reach the physical intensity needed to reach orgasm. So don't worry here, some mornings may be luckier than others!

[greywolf7080]

Make sure your bf is well hydrated. If he masturbates often, the fluid becomes very thick and orgasms are not near as explosive or last as long. Make sure that he drinks plenty of water and do not count alcoholic drinks or sodas as water. Get him watered up and he will have more to send. Also, make sure he isn't hacking it right before he comes over. He might not have much left to shoot.