"Just remember, girls. Boys have cooties!"

[Cherry]

So the long-dreaded thing is slowly happening around my home. My daughter (who just turned 12 a month ago) started 7th grade on Tuesday. And by Wednesday evening, there was a BOY hanging around my house. Well, the boy happened to be a friend of a friend. But still, there sits my 12 year old daughter with her 14 year old friend and her friends teenaged male friend. yacking away in my front yard on the picnic table. I'd gone outside because the bratling informed me the boy had sprained his ankle. I went out to look at it, and bring him an ice pack to bring the swelling down til he could get home. While out there, I witnessed something that ran my blood cold in all those ways a parent dreads.

The boy likes my daughter. I could see it in his behavior, in how he spoke to her, how he complimented various aspects of her personality and abilities. Nothing hugely overt. But I know how the teen aged boy mind works and can remember what those creatures acted like from my own days as a teen ager.

It wasn't until the next day I learned the boy in question was 16.

I'm getting a shotgun. I'm standing at the front door and never sleeping again. I just finally started letting her wear make up. I'll be damned if I'm gonna have those teen aged boys and their cooties all over the darn place.

All joking aside, he seems like a nice young man. He's polite, but not in an ass-kissing way. He's funny, and he thinks my daughter is nice and has good taste in music, and is also very smart, so HE must be very smart and have good taste. But I did make sure to quietly stress a ccertain point while out there. The kids were discussing plays and acting and such, and I said to the brat, "You can do any plays you like...but you can forget any romantic roles. You're NOT allowed to kiss yet. You're only 12. And just remember, girls. Boys have cooties!" LOL

I am actually hitting that put up or shut up point in the life of my kids. It was SO easy to say, "Oh, I'm gonna do this and that and respect their privacy and make sure to educate them about all aspects of sex." It's another to know that you're gonna have to sit down with your 12 year old and discuss sex in a much greater depth than you're quite ready to.

Oh, and just so nobody worries...no, she's not allowed to date and she'll not be allowed to date this particular boy until she's all grown and out of MY house. But, as the nice young man that he is, he's welcome to come hang out at my house and talk to my daughter all he wants, so long as I'm here to supervise. Same with any other nice, polite, respectful young man who wishes to keep company with my 12 year old daughter. Just don't expect me to let them hang out in her room, OR to be left alone too much. Boys have cooties, after all!

[Budde]

Cherry you had me splittin my sides YOU! of all people.....lol ah the MOM gene rules supreme.
I wish I could remember the name of the movie but the guy who played Carla's husband on Cheers played the father of some hot teenage girl who when she introduced him to her perspective boyfriend just looked at the kid and said "I have two things a gun and a shovel and you won't be missed"..........
I can see you sitting in the old rocking chair on the front porch with the double barrel on your lap. We're going through some what of the reverse in our house. My step son is a big goofy teenager who has a girlfriend and they are so ga ga it's disgusting. Well the other night my wife busted his balls and said hey whats that on your neck a HICKEY! well just remember if I can see it so can the girls father....
Damned kids.

[Gooch]

Originally Posted by Cherry

I'm getting a shotgun.

Since it's you Cherry, you can borrow mine.

[watershadow]

Cherry, I'm both highly amused and in full agreement. I hope to be like you when I am a mom

(which, granted, won't be for a while, but I'm keeping your fine example in mind!)

[Cherry]

Originally Posted by Budde

Cherry you had me splittin my sides YOU! of all people.....lol ah the MOM gene rules supreme.
I wish I could remember the name of the movie but the guy who played Carla's husband on Cheers played the father of some hot teenage girl who when she introduced him to her perspective boyfriend just looked at the kid and said "I have two things a gun and a shovel and you won't be missed"..........
I can see you sitting in the old rocking chair on the front porch with the double barrel on your lap. We're going through some what of the reverse in our house. My step son is a big goofy teenager who has a girlfriend and they are so ga ga it's disgusting. Well the other night my wife busted his balls and said hey whats that on your neck a HICKEY! well just remember if I can see it so can the girls father....
Damned kids.

Budde, It's no damned fun right now, I tell ya! Hell, even my 10 year old son knows the boy likes his sister. He came to me yesterday after school and told me the boy had ran after them when he'd gotten off the bus and asked if they were going to hang out at the park across the street from my house. He then also told me he thinks the boy in question has a crush on my brat. I laughed and told him I knew it on Wednesday. Then he goes, "He better not try and kiss her." LOL

Originally Posted by Gooch

Since it's you Cherry, you can borrow mine.

Gooch, you are my night in shining armor. Do you also have a place to dispose of the evidence?

Originally Posted by watershadow

Cherry, I'm both highly amused and in full agreement. I hope to be like you when I am a mom

(which, granted, won't be for a while, but I'm keeping your fine example in mind!)

Heh. Thanks, Watershadow. I don't claim to be an expert...but I've seen enough results of parents not teaching their kids, or teaching them sex is dirty...I want both kids to have a healthy attitude. I just wish it didn't mean I've gotta talk to a 12 year old about oral sex.

[watershadow]

Here's a question for you. Do the kids know about you and the Lady? If that is the case, that may open a window for you to try the conversation; not necessarily about sex, but the importance of good communication and knowing when something isn't right.

...as for the oral sex issue, can't help you there. I'd approach it from the euphemism area of "the talk."

[Cherry]

It's kinda funny. I told them years ago about April. Like 3 years ago, they knew pretty much that she was my girlfriend. I explained what a lesbian was, and they tried to decide what Mom is because Mom used to like boys and now mom likes girls. And it was cool.

Then a couple months ago, their dad started seeing a woman. And the boy got really down and quiet and mopey and I finally got it out of him that he "thought mom and dad would be together forever". Now, my ex and I share the house. He's currently living in the basement of the house. Because I'm legally blind, he takes me shopping for groceries and kid stuff. Really, it's part of his responsibility as a parent. And because of the way things are, often times, things look like a "family situation". So, it's got a tendancy to confuse them.

So, when the boy said he thought I'd be with his dad forever, I had one hell of a hard time. I talked to him about April, and asked him if he liked her. he said yes, that he loved her. Then I pointed out that April and I had been dating for a long time, that she was my girlfriend. Well, in the years that have passed since I discussed it with them, he'd forgotten "girlfriend" meant dating and not just "good female friend". So I asked him if he honestly wanted me to stay with his dad. He said yes. And I told him if that was the case, April wouldn't ever be around again, because I couldn't be married to his dad AND be April's girlfriend. I couldn't be both, and the one he wanted me to be wasn't going to make me happy at all.

But as far as them knowing how important it is to go with their guts on what's right and wrong, knowing how to communicate. I think they're pretty good about that. I mean, sure, they're still kids, just 10 and 12...but I've worked hard on it since day 1 to get them smarter than a lot of their counterparts on that.

Now...the oral sex thing...and "the talk"...well, the talk has actually been going on for 6 years now. In this house, I take any and ALL opportunities to talk to the little boogers about sex. With how the world is today? Gawd, they can't be walking around uneducated. And the way kids pass out inaccurate info, I wanna get the GOOD stuff in their heads before some little bonehead down the street tells them that Coke is a great spermicide and you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex. LOL

[watershadow]

I'm GLAD your kids won't be uneducated.

It's hard being in the situation you are in with your ex, having him still nearby and essentially still acting like a "husband," though you are no longer bound legally.

...it's tough. Your son, thought your questioning, had to choose between his father and your Lady, but he cares for them both. Poor kid is probably a bit confused, but your talking with them is certainly helping. I know of too many people who would just say, "well, mommy and daddy love you very much, but we're not together anymore, and by the way, meet these new people who will be in our beds!" It's good that you're causing him to think that way, AND telling your daughter what's safe and what's not.

...hell. Even oral isn't that safe anymore, what with the genital warts crap and the whole transfer of other stuff through sharing of bodily fluids. Instead of saying, "just don't initiate penis-vagina contact," you have to say, "well, don't forget the dam." Lives (sexual and otherwise) for kids are getting harder and harder.

I hope more parents follow your example.