How Can I Help My Wife Feel Comfortable About Receiving Oral?

[a_guy]

So I can’t seem to find this one as a recurring topic anywhere – I think my wife is the only one … which makes me the only one too. There seem to be a lot of topics on women not giving men oral pleasure and how the couple can approach it, but you don’t seem to find too many articles about women not accepting oral pleasure. I’m ok to use my hands on her to a degree, but she does not like for me to give her oral. Ok, I know I’m opening the door to a bunch of banal, predictable jokes on this … like you’re doing it wrong, but I’m hoping to here from people who have gone through this or can give some good advice.

We’ve been married for 6 years now, we have a decent sex life, but it has recently started to drive me nuts that she has never had an orgasm. So my question is how to take some baby steps here to get her to open up. We do a lot of role playing games, so she isn’t totally coy. However, she cringes at the idea of me going down on her … even that phrase doesn’t sit well with her. She is very self conscious on this topic but she has no reason to be. I constantly tell her how gorgeous she is and how much I want to kiss her there (kiss is innocuous). Recently, I had another round of questions trying to understand what it is that she is uncomfortable about … seems like a mix of perception of clean (“she goes to the bathroom down there” she’ll say) and that she feels “funny” when I’m using my hands … tingly and like she is going to go to the bathroom.

A little more background: she does not masturbate with her hands or any toy – I have been trying to get her to do this for years. I guess she has tried it off and on for periods, but never really got anywhere with it … never gave herself an orgasm. That is the hardest part here … I am completely open to overt direction until we figure it out (oral, hands, toy or whatever) but she won’t even figure it out for herself. As I said, she does let me use my hands (doesn’t like the idea of me using a toy), but she makes me take my hands away at some point … she describes it as she feels like she needs to urinate. She has pleasure through intercourse, but no orgasm there.

So I can keep this ok sex life with someone I really love or we can take this trip together and I won't be alone then. I am unsure if I should go about this passively like I have been (every now and then trying something), or more actively (planning it out with her ahead of time). My birthday was last week and she wanted to know what I wanted to do (sexwise) … I told her that I wanted go down on her … not that night … but a night tbd when we were both more in the mood.

In any event, regarding my birthday gift … how should I go about this? There are a handful of articles on how to pleasure your woman orally ... I found 1 site that has 50 tips coming from all kinds of different omen. I think I want to print them out and read them with her to get her feedback and have her tell me what style sounded interesting (tolerable) to her. How relaxed should she be when I do this? BTW I have a total foot fetish which I think most women can live with =) … many nights its sort of foreplay when we’re watching tv, I’ll massage her feet and sometimes I’ll make her get down to her panties and caress her legs too. So this gets her really relaxed … sometimes this foreplay is too good and she has to go to sleep. Let me know what you guys think on the foot / leg / body massage before going down … does this provide a good level of relaxation or is it too much.


Sorry if this got a bit verbose … I’d appreciate any constructive thoughts / ideas or general advice.

Thanks
A guy


PS – Does can anyone offer any classy, sexy substitutes to “going down on you” … think subtle =)

[Luvoral]

Originally Posted by a_guy

So I can’t seem to find this one as a recurring topic anywhere – I think my wife is the only one … which makes me the only one too. There seem to be a lot of topics on women not giving men oral pleasure and how the couple can approach it, but you don’t seem to find too many articles about women not accepting oral pleasure. I’m ok to use my hands on her to a degree, but she does not like for me to give her oral. Ok, I know I’m opening the door to a bunch of banal, predictable jokes on this … like you’re doing it wrong, but I’m hoping to here from people who have gone through this or can give some good advice.

We’ve been married for 6 years now, we have a decent sex life, but it has recently started to drive me nuts that she has never had an orgasm. So my question is how to take some baby steps here to get her to open up. We do a lot of role playing games, so she isn’t totally coy. However, she cringes at the idea of me going down on her … even that phrase doesn’t sit well with her. She is very self conscious on this topic but she has no reason to be. I constantly tell her how gorgeous she is and how much I want to kiss her there (kiss is innocuous). Recently, I had another round of questions trying to understand what it is that she is uncomfortable about … seems like a mix of perception of clean (“she goes to the bathroom down there” she’ll say) and that she feels “funny” when I’m using my hands … tingly and like she is going to go to the bathroom.

A little more background: she does not masturbate with her hands or any toy – I have been trying to get her to do this for years. I guess she has tried it off and on for periods, but never really got anywhere with it … never gave herself an orgasm. That is the hardest part here … I am completely open to overt direction until we figure it out (oral, hands, toy or whatever) but she won’t even figure it out for herself. As I said, she does let me use my hands (doesn’t like the idea of me using a toy), but she makes me take my hands away at some point … she describes it as she feels like she needs to urinate. She has pleasure through intercourse, but no orgasm there.

So I can keep this ok sex life with someone I really love or we can take this trip together and I won't be alone then. I am unsure if I should go about this passively like I have been (every now and then trying something), or more actively (planning it out with her ahead of time). My birthday was last week and she wanted to know what I wanted to do (sexwise) … I told her that I wanted go down on her … not that night … but a night tbd when we were both more in the mood.

In any event, regarding my birthday gift … how should I go about this? There are a handful of articles on how to pleasure your woman orally ... I found 1 site that has 50 tips coming from all kinds of different omen. I think I want to print them out and read them with her to get her feedback and have her tell me what style sounded interesting (tolerable) to her. How relaxed should she be when I do this? BTW I have a total foot fetish which I think most women can live with =) … many nights its sort of foreplay when we’re watching tv, I’ll massage her feet and sometimes I’ll make her get down to her panties and caress her legs too. So this gets her really relaxed … sometimes this foreplay is too good and she has to go to sleep. Let me know what you guys think on the foot / leg / body massage before going down … does this provide a good level of relaxation or is it too much.


Sorry if this got a bit verbose … I’d appreciate any constructive thoughts / ideas or general advice.

Thanks
A guy


PS – Does can anyone offer any classy, sexy substitutes to “going down on you” … think subtle =)

As for [going down on you],how about [licking your muffin,kissing your kitty,petting your pussy].My favorite is when he calls it [that pussy ],but that not what your looking for I guess.My lady lover gives me a great body massage,relaxing me completely and loves to massage my feet,sucking my toes while she runs her nails up my legs to my inner thighs with her tongue licking her way up,kissing my thighs and bottom,carressing my cheeks.She spreads my legs and starts kissing my kitty,fingering me and licks every inch of my pussy.She also licks my bum as she fingers me,but I'm sure your not looking for that as yet.It's always a sure orgasm,sometimes a good squirt....Just make love to her pussy as you would make love to her when you are both very passionate..Ask her opinion and assure her that when she is clean down there,there's nothing wrong with oral,only true pleasure...You'll get more opinions on how to please[Gooch has some great ones].Good Luck

[a_guy]

Luvoral - I like your substitutes for going down ... thanks!!! ... thanks for tips too ... sounds like the body / foot / leg massage should help relax =)

[Luvoral]

Originally Posted by a_guy

So I can’t seem to find this one as a recurring topic anywhere – I think my wife is the only one … which makes me the only one too. There seem to be a lot of topics on women not giving men oral pleasure and how the couple can approach it, but you don’t seem to find too many articles about women not accepting oral pleasure. I’m ok to use my hands on her to a degree, but she does not like for me to give her oral. Ok, I know I’m opening the door to a bunch of banal, predictable jokes on this … like you’re doing it wrong, but I’m hoping to here from people who have gone through this or can give some good advice.

We’ve been married for 6 years now, we have a decent sex life, but it has recently started to drive me nuts that she has never had an orgasm. So my question is how to take some baby steps here to get her to open up. We do a lot of role playing games, so she isn’t totally coy. However, she cringes at the idea of me going down on her … even that phrase doesn’t sit well with her. She is very self conscious on this topic but she has no reason to be. I constantly tell her how gorgeous she is and how much I want to kiss her there (kiss is innocuous). Recently, I had another round of questions trying to understand what it is that she is uncomfortable about … seems like a mix of perception of clean (“she goes to the bathroom down there” she’ll say) and that she feels “funny” when I’m using my hands … tingly and like she is going to go to the bathroom.

A little more background: she does not masturbate with her hands or any toy – I have been trying to get her to do this for years. I guess she has tried it off and on for periods, but never really got anywhere with it … never gave herself an orgasm. That is the hardest part here … I am completely open to overt direction until we figure it out (oral, hands, toy or whatever) but she won’t even figure it out for herself. As I said, she does let me use my hands (doesn’t like the idea of me using a toy), but she makes me take my hands away at some point … she describes it as she feels like she needs to urinate. She has pleasure through intercourse, but no orgasm there.

So I can keep this ok sex life with someone I really love or we can take this trip together and I won't be alone then. I am unsure if I should go about this passively like I have been (every now and then trying something), or more actively (planning it out with her ahead of time). My birthday was last week and she wanted to know what I wanted to do (sexwise) … I told her that I wanted go down on her … not that night … but a night tbd when we were both more in the mood.

In any event, regarding my birthday gift … how should I go about this? There are a handful of articles on how to pleasure your woman orally ... I found 1 site that has 50 tips coming from all kinds of different omen. I think I want to print them out and read them with her to get her feedback and have her tell me what style sounded interesting (tolerable) to her. How relaxed should she be when I do this? BTW I have a total foot fetish which I think most women can live with =) … many nights its sort of foreplay when we’re watching tv, I’ll massage her feet and sometimes I’ll make her get down to her panties and caress her legs too. So this gets her really relaxed … sometimes this foreplay is too good and she has to go to sleep. Let me know what you guys think on the foot / leg / body massage before going down … does this provide a good level of relaxation or is it too much.


Sorry if this got a bit verbose … I’d appreciate any constructive thoughts / ideas or general advice.

Thanks
A guy


PS – Does can anyone offer any classy, sexy substitutes to “going down on you” … think subtle =)

i guess you can tell i'm bi-sexual...my h/b told me to say [his favorite]how he loves to kiss those creamy thighs[inner],not mentioning the word pussy[my favorite].while he would be kissing my thighs he would rub his face on my pussy,teasing me to death.i could only take so much before i would grab his head and pull his face to my pussy.he's very trickie

[igor]

Originally Posted by a_guy

she does not masturbate with her hands or any toy

she does let me use my hands (doesn’t like the idea of me using a toy), but she makes me take my hands away at some point … she describes it as she feels like she needs to urinate. She has pleasure through intercourse, but no orgasm there.

She needs convincing that the feeling she gets is not really that she will pee. It could be that she is nearing orgasm and will have ejaculation. I think she needs to start reading some books on the female body and its sexual responses.

[Ann Andriani]

Breaking through emotional walls is a difficult thing to do. It takes real courage to break through these walls. Some people can do it and others the fear or unknown is just too scary. It sounds like you're very supportive, attentive and expressive about how you feel about your wife which is helpful in the long run. My article on Better Sex Through Communication may help.

There also comes a point where your wife should just jump in and give it a try. It's the only way to really know if this is something she likes and wants to continue exploring.

The only advice I can give about the feeling of needing to urinate is for her to make sure she urinates before sex begins. That way, no matter what she's feeling, she'll know she has an empty bladder so there's no way she's going to pee on you. Some forms of stimulation and excitement can give a woman that feeling. It doesn't always mean the woman's going to squirt, but our parts are so close down there, that sometimes that feeling is there.

If you want really good tips on going down on a woman, I just watched Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Oral Sex: Cunnilingus and it's really good! They give you step by step instructions on how to pleasure the vulva, vagina, clit from starting with a vulva massage. Everything is very clear and easy to understand. I highly recommend it and think it will bring some of those articles to life for you.

The bottom line is, until your wife gets frustrated by this and really wants to try it herself, short of talking to someone about it, you may find you have an uphill battle. I wish you all the best with this and hope your wife opens up to this wonderful form of pleasure.

Ann

[misterfb]

You can try to circle around the erogenous zones before going down to the main event.

[igor]

I don't have any words of advice for you. My wife would never accept oral sex for the last 40-some years. We had a long dry spell of over 4 years of no sex at all. Then we had a LONG talk and things are better than ever. In fact she now loves it when I go down on her. So things can change.