Her body image--how can I help?

[watershadow]

What can I say? We women, we're sensitive about weight.

But honestly, it's the constant pressure of "be skinny be skinnybeskinnybeskinny" ad nauseum that one sees in commercials on TV and other advertisements that's affecting what a woman considers to be her self-image.

I am overweight, but not fat; point of fact, that was back when I was a competitive swimmer and I was really muscular. I used to weigh in at about 150 pounds, and I'm rather short. A doctor giving me a physical said "well, you're healthy, but you could probably stand to lose about twenty pounds." Well, I remember thinking, where the hell will I lose this weight FROM?! Pray tell me, doc; how much muscle should I lose in order to fit in with your standards of stick-thinness? I knew that if I dropped that much weight, I'd resemble a stick. It's the same for most women! That "extra flesh" could simply be concealing perfectly healthy muscle, and it's told to get lost because women should be slim, slender, graceful, as if being strong is a curse.

There's a point to my diatribe about being told to lose that much weight. Think of it like this; when a woman feels she has extra baggage, she can do one of perhaps two or three things. She could try to lose the weight by exercise, she could eat less (bad idea!), or she could sink into a funk because diet and exercise either don't work or she doesn't have enough energy. With three children, a sick mother, a husband (you, though I'm not saying you are a difficulty) and a sister-in-law, coupled with classes and financial stress...well, it's kind of easy to see which one is simplest to get into and hardest to get out of, situation-wise.

The first thing to do (that comes to my mind) is find a way to JOIN her in her activities. If she truly feels that she needs to lose the poundage, it's always easier to have a "buddy" who comes along. Staying motivated is HARD; I've been trying to work out by myself here, and without someone to prod me out of my bed (before work is the only time I could actually hit the gym), I find myself sleeping for more time that I probably really need. It would be hard, especially since this requires one of you to always be motivated, but it would also prove to be a bonding experience. Plus, hey, shower with a friend, save water

Since it is clear you are a very loving father as well, what you've been doing to give her time to study is wonderful. You're doing little things every day that show her you love her and that you still find her desirable.

What it all boils down to, though, is that as long as SHE finds her current weight to not be ideal, the sex life will suffer a bit. In that, I kind of understand, but perhaps pointing out examples of women who, despite being a little overweight, are still quite beautiful, would help. Some of the loveliest women I know are overweight, be it due to dense muscle or some fat. Helping her realize that YOU don't find her repulsive at all will help too. We women need convincing of that, especially when walking past a Victoria's Secret display full of enormously breasted skinny women

Hope this helps (and that it's coherent; I'm a little short on sleep)!

[xjambix]

Originally Posted by CoJon

However, as I was trying to rub her front and got a little too low--around her belly button--she stopped me again, saying, "I hate it when you play with my fat," even though I wanted to make her feel sexy and desired (as well as relaxed), but not fat.

Any thoughts about this?

I've got a bit of extra fat on my belly, not really all that much, but I still hate it when my s/o touches my belly 'cause I'm self conscious.

You should try and get her to take all her clothes off and lie on the bed, put the lights off and light some candles. You keep fully clothed so she doesn't think that this is all purely to get sex. Then kiss every part of her body and after every time you kiss it say what you like about the part. Take as long as you need to do it.

Or you could treat her to a spa day? That'd make every woman feel good.