Can't cum with blowjob

[buser]

Hi, i am 24 and i have never been able to cum with a blowjob. I have no problem during sex or when i masturbate but i can never seem to cum with oral sex.
My girlfriend likes going down on me and has tried very hard to make me cum but nothing...I felt very close a couple of times with my legs shivering even but that is it.
My girlfriend can't help but think its her fault even though i told her its not. Now she does not go down on me, except for rare times, because as she said: "nothing happens so what's the point".

What can i do? i feel like i am weird for not being able to cum this way

[Ann Andriani]

Originally Posted by buser

Hi, i am 24 and i have never been able to cum with a blowjob. I have no problem during sex or when i masturbate but i can never seem to cum with oral sex.

Buser, I'd like to ease your mind a bit and tell you you're not alone here. There are many, many men who have experienced the same thing. And this can happen for many reasons.

My girlfriend likes going down on me and has tried very hard to make me cum but nothing...I felt very close a couple of times with my legs shivering even but that is it.

Well, one thing about oral sex is it doesn't feel the same as intercourse or masturbation. Depending on the person's technique it can be less intense than masturbation or intercourse. You get close and that's a good thing, it should show your g/f that you enjoy what's she doing. Maybe she needs to intensify her grip or suction as you get closer to orgasm. Could you quite possibly be stressing about ejaculating? For instance, are you unsure if you should cum in her mouth? If climaxing is an issue, ask her what she prefers. If she wants you to cum in her mouth than go for it. If she'd rather you not, then as you get close, let her know so she can stroke you to orgasm. If you're having any anxieties or stresses here, let us know, maybe we can shed some light.

My girlfriend can't help but think its her fault even though i told her its not. Now she does not go down on me, except for rare times, because as she said: "nothing happens so what's the point".

Well, this statement is very sexually immature and only adds obstacles for any improvement. Why is it important that your g/f bring you to orgasm by oral only? There are many different aspects to having sex and reaching orgasm. With this kind of thought process, she's actually put all the blame and pressure on you to reach orgasm, which is usually the main culprit in someone not reaching orgasm.

What can i do?

There's things that you can try alone and you and her can try together. First, think back to how you masturbate. Many men tend to have a "death-like" firm grip on their penis when they stroke. Unfortunately, men become accustomed to this and find it's the only way they can climax. If you think that may be the case, you should try loosening your grip during masturbation and try new and different techniques that don't involve such firmness. You can find lots of techniques and information over at www.JackinWorld.com

What the two of you can do together is explore bj AND handjob techniques because a great blow job doesn't just consist of mouth stimulation of the penis. Getting the hands involved is really important. There are several resources that can be enlightening for the both of you. I recommend you do this together so that your g/f doesn't take offense. So I'm hoping she'll go along with it, since with the comment she made, she doesn't seem to be taking any responsibility and that's the worse. This not just your problem, it's an issue during sex, so it's something you need to work with together as a team. Let her know you want to do this stuff for an experiment and that you're also trying things on your own. Let's see, there's my article on Oral Sex for Him, Sadie Allison's "Tickle His Pickle" Book and if you're both more visual there's Tristan Taormino's DVD
"Expert Guide to Oral Sex: Fellatio". Those should all be great starting points. Look, the learning idea may be a rough road to go down with her. But honestly, we could all use to brush up on our sex skills. We're never really taught how to give good sex, so unless we all do some serious research and put our egos aside, we can all be better. Know what I mean?

Another thing you both need to do, is to have oral, for now, as foreplay. It's a warmer upper. She should not try to bring you to orgasm with oral right now. There's too much pressure, too much emotion and ego involved on your g/f's behalf. Let her know that you enjoy it, that's why you have an erection, that's why you're excited and getting close to orgasm, but right now you want to be able to enjoy without the pressure of reaching orgasm. This kind of thing takes a little talking. Let her know that you enjoy sex with her and find her very exciting (as long as all that's true) But she needs to be a little patient with the process. I'm sure after you start experiencing oral without the pressure of having to climax from it, then you'll find you may be able to climax from it.

You can also try stroking yourself to orgasm once you get close. This should not be insulting to your g/f because she's the one that got you excited to that point. She's was the one giving you the pleasure, but you need just a bit more/different to get over the top. Tell her it would be hot if you could cum on her breasts or ass, or maybe she can rub her pussy and give you a masturbation show while you stroke yourself to orgasm. You're a man, I'm sure you'd appreciate the visuals. And by doing this, she's still assisting you and bringing you to orgasm, she's just not doing it with her hands/mouth. It's time to try a different approach to see what works.

Even for men, sex is a mental experience and if your mind isn't in the right place or is stressed out or distracted, then climaxing is difficult, and having a partner that bases your enjoyment of her on whether you climax from one specific act is also detrimental.

I wish you luck here. If you have any more questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Ann

[onlooker]

dont worry just ask her to try something different

[Luvoral]

Originally Posted by buser

Hi, i am 24 and i have never been able to cum with a blowjob. I have no problem during sex or when i masturbate but i can never seem to cum with oral sex.
My girlfriend likes going down on me and has tried very hard to make me cum but nothing...I felt very close a couple of times with my legs shivering even but that is it.
My girlfriend can't help but think its her fault even though i told her its not. Now she does not go down on me, except for rare times, because as she said: "nothing happens so what's the point".

What can i do? i feel like i am weird for not being able to cum this way

I think her comment was quite uncalled for and your not weird.Everyone is different...It's obvious she wants you to cum in her mouth and "maybe" she thinks she is not doing a good enough job....Like Ann explained, tell her to use her hands jacking you while she sucks the head,or you jack off in her mouth.Let her hands explore,massaging your balls and some little bottom play[if you enjoy a little insertion to your anus]...Try a different position,maybe 69 with you on top f**king her mouth or throat as you eat her.This might take some pressure off your mind about cumming as you consentrate on her cumming and the enjoyment of knowing you made her orgasm just might make you cum.Orgasms together is a great thing...Also while having intercourse,before you cum,withdraw and cum in her mouth...Maybe quit saying "go down on me",use some erotica[sucking my cock,etc]...One of our favorites is I am kneeling by his side,him laying on his back and by bottom is exposed for his viewing [legs spread]along with some caressing to my thighs,cheeks,pussy and some slaps to my bottom.This way he can watch me suck him and has a ring side view to his belongings.Talk and Practice makes it work...Good luck!