My sex life SUCKS

[Vicki]

I'm really overwhelmed. I've been with my boyfriend since high school, 6 years, and we broke up freshman year of college. When we got back together 2 years ago, we don't have sex. He literally cums in 2 minutes sometimes. We usually don't use a condom because I want to get everythign I can out of the little sex we have, but even WITH a condom, he came in like 3 mins.

I'm so turned off, and sexually frustrated, I feel like I am bored of my life, tired of it. He's going to be my husband one day, we're perfect for each other, but my sex life has dulled the way I look at him. We live together, it's boring, and we have sex like every 2 months because I hate it when we do have sex.

I don't even know who to talk to about this. A doctor? A psychologist? I have no idea what i'm doing but it needs to be fixed!

I want to cry.

[Evle]

[quote=Vicki;39470]
I don't even know who to talk to about this. [quote]

Have you talked to him about this? He may not know there is a problem, if you don't nip it in the bud now, you will blow up about it in a few years and he will have no clue. Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him you want/need more foreplay and some more varity. If he's any kind of good man he will work with you. FYI, if he feels threatened, he may lash back out at you about the twice a month thing, be ready and don't let yourselves get angry. Nothing get's done right then.

Good luck.

Evle.

[Vicki]

Thanks so much for your reply. This is the first time I sought out a forum to talk to people about this.

I have talked to him, it makes him feel really upset. I don't know, but there's something very wrong with cumming in 2 minutes. I read everywhere that erectile dysfunction can be from 5-10 mins...he's way worse. He isn't the kind of guy to be mad, he really just kinda hangs his head, sighs, and just feels worse. I love him so much...

I'm against oral sex, I literally get so grossed out by it. And generally, we've never done foreplay. ever. High school sex with him used to be so easy, constant, like 3 times a day. Maybe it's because I've gained weight. I used to be stick skinny, and grew into myself. I'm overweight but not by much, but I hate the way I look naked, so I never get naked. Maybe it's me. But if Im that terrible looking, wouldn't we have the opposite problem? Like not even getting it up. He gets turned on in .5 seconds and comes in minutes.

Is there a professional I could talk to about it? Or he could? I dont know...

[Ann Andriani]

Welcome to ASA Vicki. I hope we can provide some comfort and ideas for you to improve your situation. I'm glad you came back and provided some more information because what you've said has shed some more light for me. I have a bunch of thoughts to share and they're all coming at me at once, so I apologize if they're a bit scattered.

First, the amount of time that most men last during intercourse is 2 1/2 to 3 minutes, and this is of constant thrusting without changing positions or pausing, just constant thrusting. So your b/f is right in range of what's normal. It's how you both handle this fact that will get you through this and onto better more fulfilling sex. I've written an article on ways to help a man last longer during sex that I highly recommend you both read:

http://www.allsexguide.com/premature-ejaculation.html

Your b/f feels bad about this and that's totally understandable, however, he's got to pick himself up and work to make changes. The more he sulks and hangs his head in shame, the worse this will get. Ignoring a problem and sulking about it, brings about no change, admitting things can be better and working together to do it, will absolutely make things better. However, it's not just about you figuring out what to do, you have to do it together. You're a couple, you're a team and there's no "I" in team. The sooner you work together on this, the sooner things can improve.

Now, you also mentioned that you don't like oral sex and the two of you don't have any foreplay. This could be part of the issue. Can you explain what a typical sexual encounter entails? If you're both just getting to the intercourse, then sex won't last long at all. Is he able to finger you or use toys on you? Thing is, with the way the mechanics of the male body works, he needs to have other options to pleasure you. The pressure can't be on his penis. The pleasure can't only come from penis in vagina. Even if he got out that first orgasm, which is something recommended in my article above, he still needs to go through a refractory period before he can get hard again, but sex has to continue, so what is acceptable, comfortable play for you at that point?

You mentioned that you have some body issues and you're uncomfortable getting naked in front of him, but you're realizing it yourself that he's still attracted to you. If he wasn't, he wouldn't be getting hard in the first place. Plus, if you can't get naked in front of him, you're cutting out a whole bunch of sexy foreplay because you don't want him to see you naked.

To me, it sounds like, between his staying power, your body issues and issues with certain sexual acts, that sex for you both is very mechanical, so I can understand why you're unhappy.

Here's another question. What would the perfect sexual encounter be with your b/f? Start from the very beginning of play and be specific, really explore your mind. Maybe once we know what you really desire, we can help you get closer to achieving that.

Talking to a professional about the different issues you have with your own body may be helpful. Just make sure you have a clear idea of what you want to work towards and get out of the experience. Plus, if you're that unhappy with your appearance, you should take some real steps to change it. Start eating a healthy diet and get on a work out schedule. Start small, don't go to the extremes, but find the foods in your diet that you need to eliminate and eliminate them slowly one at a time. If you don't exercise regularly, start slow, go for walks every day. Then start to kick it up a notch, make the walks longer, more intense. There's plenty of work out DVDs and things that can be done at home. I'm far from an expert in this area, but find a place to start. Self-improvement starts within and with saying that you're tired to feeling bad. You deserve to be happy with yourself and you have the power to make the changes.

As far as the sex part goes, besides seeing a counselor together, it's the two you together on your own, opening up and talking about what you both want and doing the research together to figure out how to go about it. My site: www.AllSexGuide.com has A LOT of articles to help couples have a better sex life.

You say you want to marry this man, so it's important that you both start to open up to each other now. The longer you avoid this, the worse it will get, so I'm glad to see you're here seeking some thoughts and ideas. If this is the man you want to be with forever, then you really need to come to a place that you can be happy with yourself and your appearance. By not letting him see you naked, you're denying him a part of sex that men love: the visuals. Men love to see women naked and genuinely having fun and feeling good during sex. By hiding yourself, you're also creating a distance. It's almost like saying you don't trust him to see you naked and I'm sure deep down that's hurtful to him.

This situation is no one person's fault, you both need to take responsibility in this. But, you both have to commit to making this a priority to make better. If you avoid sex, you're avoiding the issue. Take your egos out of it and love each other through it. Once I hear some more of your thoughts, especially the answer to the perfect sexual encounter, then I may be able to provide more answers.

Ann

[Vicki]

I cant tell you how much I really appreciate you guys' reponses. This is almost such an awkward topic for me, like I said, I never talk about it except to my boyfriend.
My whole life up till this point comprised of having 3 different boyfriends. The first one was unimportant, pertaining to this. The second, is m boyfriend now. The third, was a year long fling of amazing sex, that eventually turned bad, and now I'm with my "second" boyfriend. If that makes sense, it might help to understand me.

So basically, up till this point in my life, I have always had amazing, exciting sex. It was insane how much fun I had. We would have sex anywhere, and i mean anywhere!!! At least 2 times a day, lasting hours. I guess that's part of being a teengaer/early 20's, the hormones. Then, with this relationship, I seem to hate sex so much that I never want to do it. I get really grossed out doing oral on a guy, but I used to love it with my last boyfriend. I can't explain why I dont love it on this one. It's very weird. As for foreplay, I don't let him do anything on me. I believe oral on a girl is twenty times grosser than on a guy and I'm afraid my bf won't like me after he does it. Plus, I think I'd be more worried/weirded out than enjoying it. Secondly, I do have some toys but I've never used them with my boyfriend. I'm afraid that getting naked, using toys, doing foreplay, will make him orgasm so much quicker. And he gets embarassed by it. He is able to get hard again, the most times he's gotten hard after sex was 3 times in a row. So, I guess, I'm thankful that he's able to come again and again. But they're almost all very quick.

Is it sad to think of my perfect sexual encounter as being one with my exboyfriend? I didn't love him, he didnt love me, we were just flings, and sexual flings at that. I just want that experience with MY boyfriend. I really hope that helps explain things more. I just woke up today depressed, thought about my life. I live with my boyfriend, and I love him, my family loves him, and we're just waiting to get married for a few years. But I feel like I'm drifting from him, looking at him differently. There's no passion. That's the exact way to say it. ZERO PASSION. I just wish we were teenagers again.

On another note, my sex drive, by myself, is kinda low also. I'm thinking maybe NuvaRing has a side affect of low sex drive? I do work out twice a week and I'm pretty health-conscious. I'm trying to think of what else could be stopping me from wanting to play with him more often....

[Ann Andriani]

Vicki,

Again, thank you for coming back and answering questions. I know that sexual problems are not the easiest to discuss and most times when we do have people post, they're at a point like you are, when they just don't know what to do anymore. I feel bad because I meet many people at their worst and sometimes they're not always ready to hear our thoughts. So I appreciate you hanging in there and talking some more. I do have some thoughts on what you said. I'm going to quote you this time so I stay organized.

Originally Posted by Vicki

So basically, up till this point in my life, I have always had amazing, exciting sex. It was insane how much fun I had. We would have sex anywhere, and i mean anywhere!!! At least 2 times a day, lasting hours.

Here's a question, with much of the information you've shared with us already, how was it that sex lasted for hours?

I guess that's part of being a teengaer/early 20's, the hormones.

I don't agree with that statement. You can stay sexually active, sexually healthy and sexually interested all through your life. It's all about creating a lifestyle that allows it to happen. I'm expressing this so you don't just give up because you're not a teenager anymore. Great sex is mostly a state of mind. Having a great relationship is not easy, it's work until you work out the kinks (no pun inteded). Once that happens, then things get easier, but you have to be willing to put in the time and effort because it is worth it.

Then, with this relationship, I seem to hate sex so much that I never want to do it.

What was the sex like when you dated this guy before? Did you guys have sex or fool around sexually? What was the experience like then?

I get really grossed out doing oral on a guy, but I used to love it with my last boyfriend. I can't explain why I don't love it on this one. It's very weird. As for foreplay, I don't let him do anything on me. I believe oral on a girl is twenty times grosser than on a guy and I'm afraid my bf won't like me after he does it. Plus, I think I'd be more worried/weirded out than enjoying it.

I just want to make sure I understand what you're saying. You enjoyed oral with your last b/f, but not this one. With the last b/f oral sex was great, but with this b/f it grosses you out. Is that what you're saying? Did you let your ex give you oral? Was he grossed out by it?

That statement frightens me because what you're really saying is it's not the act of giving oral to a guy that you don't like, but who you're giving the oral to. THAT'S a problem. This is the man you say you want to spend the rest of your life with, but giving him oral is gross compared to your past b/f. Maybe I have a different idea of love and sex than you do, but honestly, this doesn't sound good. Did you give him oral the last time you dated?

Secondly, I do have some toys but I've never used them with my boyfriend. I'm afraid that getting naked, using toys, doing foreplay, will make him orgasm so much quicker. And he gets embarrassed by it. He is able to get hard again, the most times he's gotten hard after sex was 3 times in a row. So, I guess, I'm thankful that he's able to come again and again. But they're almost all very quick.

This is where I'm really stuck and I don't know if I can help you. You seem to have it set in your mind that your b/f is THE problem because he gets really excited being with you and comes a little quicker than you prefer. However, he can obtain a second and even third erection so that intercourse can happen again. However, in the meantime, you won't give him oral because it grosses you out and he can't give you oral because it grosses you out. Plus, you won't use any toys with him to help alleviate his pressure of keeping an erection because you think you're the judge and jury over what he can handle during sex, like he's a child, when there are toys that can help. In a way it seems like you're convinced he's broken and will cum too quickly no matter what you do. Unfortunately, things will not change in your mind or in your genitals until you admit that you've got some work to do in all this. I'm not sure why you have, but you've placed all the blame on him about him not lasting long enough. Yet you have some serious issues that you need to work out on your own too that until you admit and work on, will only make things worse.

Is it sad to think of my perfect sexual encounter as being one with my exboyfriend?

This troubles me for many reasons. One, I asked you to give specific details about the perfect sexual encounter starting from the beginning and you didn't share anything. That would make me think that you don't really know what the perfect sexual encounter would be. In a way it shows that you don't know what you want and you can't expect your b/f to know what you want when you don't know yourself. Each person in a relationship is responsible for their own pleasure. It's your responsibility as a sexually active adult to know what you want from your partner. It's important to have desires and fantasies that you'd like to explore. It's important to know what type of touch and stimulation gets you off. And you HAVE to let your partner know these things. It sounds to me like you've put the responsibility of good sex on him and good sex only means lasting longer than he does, which isn't very realistic and isn't fair to him. He can't be pressured to keep a rock hard erection for hours on end multiple times a day, plus not be able to really give you any other pleasure, but intercourse and not know what you want. It's expecting too much and because he's not able to do this because he's human, you've kind of cast him away in your mind as sexually inadequate.

I didn't love him, he didnt love me, we were just flings, and sexual flings at that.

I understand that sex when you're with someone you "love" is really important and then that's when we get all these insecurities popping in and wreaking havoc. BUT, this is also the time when you should be getting comfortable with someone and yourself because you're planning on spending the rest of your life with him. This is the man that's going to accept you for who you really are, not like the last guy that may have dropped you in heartbeat over something stupid. The current guy is the guy you can have the hottest sex with, but you won't let him in. You're blocking intimacy and you should talk to someone about it because it sounds like you're telling me that you're sexually charged person in a fling type of relationship and sexually terrified in a serious relationship. That's not healthy and it's something you need to work out but you can't do it here. It's more serious than here can manage.

I just want that experience with MY boyfriend.

You can experience THAT with your current b/f, but you have to open up and take a chance. You both have to work together to learn how to work with how his body and your body function during sex.

If the two of you can be patient and compassionate with one another, you can work through this. It's important because a man can have ejaculatory problems, be it too soon or too difficult to acheive, for many different reasons and one reason that may very well apply here is nervousness, anxiety and stress to perform well. I don't know your b/f at all, only from what you've shared with me so that's all I can go on. But please consider the part that your mind and thought process is playing into this. Don't you think that maybe he feels a bit pressured to give you great sex without a lot of other options. I guess I want you to step in his shoes for a moment. Reverse things, what if you didn't last long enough during sex and he became frustrated with you. What would you do? How would you want to handle it? Honestly, turn the tables, it can be quite eye opening.

I just woke up today depressed, thought about my life. I live with my boyfriend, and I love him, my family loves him, and we're just waiting to get married for a few years. But I feel like I'm drifting from him, looking at him differently. There's no passion. That's the exact way to say it. ZERO PASSION. I just wish we were teenagers again.

You need to work on this, I can't express that enough. Please see a therapist or a counselor because if you don't, your misery will get worse as the years go on.

Another question I would ask myself if I were you is why are you really with this guy?

On another note, my sex drive, by myself, is kinda low also. I'm thinking maybe NuvaRing has a side affect of low sex drive?

Birth control can affect sex drive, so you may want to speak with the prescribing doctor about it. However, a pill is not the only issue here.

I do work out twice a week and I'm pretty health-conscious.

This is good, keep it up. A good diet and active lifestyle are important to good sexual health, mentally and physically.

I'm trying to think of what else could be stopping me from wanting to play with him more often....

This is why you need to talk to someone or really, seriously search yourself. Just because he's a nice guy and your family loves him, doesn't mean he's the guy you have to marry. Sex is very important in any relationship and sexual problems should be worked out, especially before getting married.

I hope something within helps you down the path to finding your way.

I wish you the best in this.
Ann

[Vicki]

Thanks for your reply!
I think, foremost, it's really important for me to say that I'm incredibly in love and happy with my boyfriend. Saying it doesn't do it for me. I look at him and smile everytime I see him. I'm so lucky to have him and really, I don't know how else to describe him. We're perfectly compatible in almost every way, and haven't had a serious fight in our whole lives. We fight sometimes and argue about things, but it always comes back to we love each other and can't stay mad. He's adorable, and I have never met a man that loves me even 1/5 as much as he does.

Secondly, we have essentially gone two years without sex. I mean maybe ten times in those two years. He "deals" with that on his own, never complains, because he thinks its what I want. Just today was the day that I specifically, not sugar coated, said that the reason I don't want to have sex is mostly because I don't get enough out of it when we do it. The fact that we went that long without sex, for me, stands for something. That our relationship isnt just a sexual fling, that it is compatible in other ways. So, I think its really important to know that.

I miss sex with my ex boyfriend because 1)he always smelled like soap, everywhere, 2) shaved (why I gave him oral) 3) lasted almost 20-30 mins each time. By saying I want sex like I had with my ex, I really want these things. I'm grossed out by my bf's hair, and I dont want to ask my bf to shave, because he's like me, totally inexperienced about talking about sex. In fact, I was his only sexual partner in his whole life. Maybe this sheds light on him. He's never known anything else but me, so he doesn't know that theres other options? Does that make sense?
I'm not sure, maybe I haven't the guts to tell him what I REALLY want him to do, I feel like it's comparing to an ex boyfriend.

I think sex is very important, but the fact we're sstill crazy about each other regardless if we have sex, means so much more to me. We can work it out if I work out my fears. I've learned a LOT about sex recently, as in today, from you guys, and form research. I gave my boyfriend that article you showed me right before I was due to go out with friends. I just came back home, and I feel totally inspired and enlightened by talking to you guys. I really know things will work out. I just never liked talking about it, but I do feel more open, so I think my bf and I can really...experiement.

I also wanted to say that I do feel passion with him. I feel like there are days where there is zero passion, like how I woke up today, but I really don't feel that way overall. For instance, after I came back with my friends, he and I talked and I feel SO much better. I hate to say it, but I think when I searched the internet this morning, I was in a sad mood, for some reason. But looking back, I only feel that way once in a while, it's not a common thing.

I just wanted to end by saying I disagree with a lot of the ways you looked at our relationship, bceause I think I worded things wrongly. I should have put more positive information in there. I wrote it when I was in a sad mood and I feel like I left out the positive, because all I needed to have addressed was the negative? I hope you understand...it's really hard to detail my whole relationship in a day through a forum, but I have never been happier in my life with this man, even though the sex...sucks. Hopefully, it wont from now... What tips do you have for us to start out with? We're both inexperienced and shy about it, so maybe you could help us with that?

THANK YOU SO MUCH, it means so much that you are replying and trying to help us out

[Ann Andriani]

I'm glad you came back and clarified things Vicki. That's another built in problem with participating on a message board. You meet people when they're only focusing on the negatives and it seems like life sucks. So sometimes there's not a lot of positives in the posts because they're feeling overall shitty. In reading over my response, I think some of my wording was a bit forward, but I do that to get people to talk. While there are ways to tackle sexual and relationship difficulties, each couple is a bit unique in their story and until I know more about the parties involved, it's difficult to share any real ideas.

I think you have a point in that since your relationship is happy and there's lots of love between the two of you, with the current sexual situation, that you do have a strong relationship. So yep, I agree he doesn't just want you for the sex.

You're both inexperienced and that's fine, breaking through sexual walls are difficult to do and communicating about sex isn't always easy, but practice makes perfect. It's all about doing it so often and speaking openly and afterward knowing everything is okay with you both and your relationship. When that happens time and again, you'll both feel more comfortable talking about sex. Until then, it will be a bit difficult. As long as you both admit to each other that it's awkward and you don't spew hateful, disrespectful things at each other, you'll be fine. That's the true key to communicating about anything really. Always be respectful and always be willing to listen and understand the other person's point of view, no matter how much it hurts your feelings. I'm glad what we've posted so far has given you a brighter outlook, that's also key to successfully improving things. If deep down you think there's no hope, you'll sabotage any chance of creating positive change. The mind is an amazing thing.

Now, onto more constructive ideas. Well, no, I say that like my above ramble was just ramble and that's not true. Sit down with your man and tell him you understand this is going to be awkward, but you love him too damn much to continue down this path and you want to start talking about sex and what each of your desires are. Now, don't expect immediate progression right then and there cause it's not going to happen. But you've opened the door and threw the pink elephant that was in the room out of it. You seem ready to talk while your man seems a little shy so you may be doing more of the talking to start and that's okay, just give him time to absorb it all and respond at a later time. However, it is important that you both, as our mom's said when we were little, "now hug each other." I always had to give that hug after a talk with friends, my sister. It worked though, showed I still loved the person. I do it to this day with Larry. When we have a discussion about an issue or problem, it always ends with an I love you hug and kiss. It just makes things right for me, positive reinforcement, I guess.

Here's a question, would you like your b/f to be able to go down on you if that's something he desired? It would definitely add some hot, spicy activity to your sex life. If so, tell him your concerns. The only way to get your partner to answer the tough questions, is to share the tough information yourself. Let him know your fears, I'm sure he will blow them out of the water. Here's something to do. Take in the information in the article and plan to try that with him and for him to give you oral during sex. You can even both shower right before sex. You can wash each other, then you'll both know you're both squeaky clean. And just keep in mind this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you already know he's not going to leave you over something silly, so I'm sure he'll LOVE going down on you.

Don't spring any of this on him though, talk about it and plan to do it and take these steps together. Afterward, not right directly after, but afterward, discuss what happened, what you liked what you didn't, how you felt. Some people think I talk too much, but I don't like confusion and questions and it sounds like the two of you don't either.

I guess another piece of homework for you both is to think about what you'd like to try. Have the two of you ever watched porn together? I could recommend some good titles, nothing cheesy. The things we see in porn can really spark our imagination and give us a starting point. That may be an activity for one night and during the movie share what looks hot. Then if you get hot enough, throw your man down and do that with him. I used to feel silly getting excited by porn, this was many moons ago, but that's what porn is for, to get you out of the stresses of the day and thinking sexy, then doing sexy things.

How about this: Larry and I are going to do this, but haven't had the time. Get your juices flowing with each other by going out to dinner, a quiet, sexy place and telling each other, during dinner the top 10 things that turn you on about each other. You'll need some time to think this over so don't rush it, but it's fun because you'll be reacquainting yourselves with what got you hot about each other in the first place, while opening that sexy communication. And you'll be learning that your body is 'all that' to your b/f. Plus you have say all these things without getting kicked out of the restaurant, an added bit of risky sexiness.

Some people have written their fantasies on index cards, put them in a jar and periodically take one out, discuss and make plans to do. But you're both newish to sex, so I'll recommend my favorite: Laura Corn's 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex. The link goes to my detailed review. Basically, if you don't know what to do, this book tells you. It's not a read from cover to cover book, but a book ideas that you both do. It's fully thought out ideas for you to give him a night of great sex and ideas for him to give you a night of great sex. There's no pressure to come up with ideas, just do what's there. As you get more comfortable and more experienced with each other, then you can add things, combine ideas and tweak further. It's not expensive and it will last you for years. Larry and I have had ours for years and we still find it helpful when we hit those sexual ruts. I recommend you both try that and commit to tearing out a page and trying what's on the page. You're both new to sex so open your mind to the possibilities. You're in a committed relationship filled with lots of love, so this is the best situation to take some risks and try new things and break through those walls.

I've put a lot here. I hope it inspires you and helps you both further. As always, the more you add, the more we'll add too.

Best,
Ann

[Vicki]

You are amazing, to say the least! I feel a THOUSAND times more confident. Talking to alot of my friends, they seem to have no troubles with their sex life and fooling around. So I genuinely thought it was a really tough thing to get through, but I'm really so glad I was able to find this site, and my replyers. I appreciate everything, and hopefully in a little while I'll be able to come back and talk about our success!

Vicki

[Luvoral]

Originally Posted by Vicki

I'm really overwhelmed. I've been with my boyfriend since high school, 6 years, and we broke up freshman year of college. When we got back together 2 years ago, we don't have sex. He literally cums in 2 minutes sometimes. We usually don't use a condom because I want to get everythign I can out of the little sex we have, but even WITH a condom, he came in like 3 mins.

I'm so turned off, and sexually frustrated, I feel like I am bored of my life, tired of it. He's going to be my husband one day, we're perfect for each other, but my sex life has dulled the way I look at him. We live together, it's boring, and we have sex like every 2 months because I hate it when we do have sex.

I don't even know who to talk to about this. A doctor? A psychologist? I have no idea what i'm doing but it needs to be fixed!

I want to cry.

Brighten Up.things aren't that bad..First let me tell you that the mouth aquires more germs than any part of your body.your vagina and his penis probably have less germs...if his hair is a problem then tell him to shave it,same goes for you.it's also very erotic...like some of the advice you heard here there are many ways to fix the problem....him being a bit premature[ejaculating] and be fixed through many method...working on them together can also be fun..if love each other that much then nothing should stop you two from sitting down and finding a solution...i really don't think he is all of the problem,do you?...you think oral is gross...most men want it and love it.it's also a way you can help control his ejaculations[within time],if he has a very bad premature problem...this can also be learned by using your hands,if oral is so gross..read up on tantra yoga..learn together how to massage each other [your g-spot,his penis or his prostate],it teaches one to control orgasms and how to have that wonderful g-spot orgasm[for both].this is also done by using your hands,no oral....there's also the stop and start method..when you stop,relax and do some pasionate kissing,fondling and then start again...if you sit on him you can be in control...most of all you need to talk[even during sex]....don't let sex destroy a great relationship when it can be solved....as for the gross part,there's nothing like a good soapy shower to clean the body.then there's no part of the body that can't be touched,by what ever....enjoying each other's body jucies should be part of good sex and a good start to enjoying sex...Hopefully then you'll look at him the same way you did before.