question about MMF threesome

[alicake]

Hey everyone
I'm new here but hoping people can help me out or offer some life experience ...
My girlfriend and I have talked about a threesome and I'm interested in the idea, but everywhere you look guys talk about MFF threesomes and if you mention the idea of MMF they think you're bi or something, which I am definitely not.
I think the reason I am tempted by the concept is that I love spoiling my girlfriend, especially in the bedroom, and this is the ultimate way to do that!
She loves sex and giving head and this way she can do both. She also likes being submissive in bed and even though she is a sweetie most of the time she has a little bit of slut inside and its fun (and, i admit, pretty hot!) to tap into that.
I have no interest in doing anything with another guy who might be there but I figure I have no problem seeing guys in straight porn and its basically the same.
The whole idea is to make her the centre of attention the whole time.
So the question is should I do it? and who with?
She actually met a guy recently that she had a relationship with many years ago in high school (in days when all they did was hold hands) and he now lives close to me, and she said she had a dream of the three of us together! Now she is very shy about actually turning a dream into possible reality. She is also scared of the potential dangers to our relationship - and this is what I read about anywhere I go for information on this kind of thing.
They all talk about issues of motivation and trust, and they say this is a MASSIVE issue when an ex is involved. But I think it will be OK in our case - I think. My only worry is if I'm wrong I can never take it back.
I know motivation is not an issue - I am 100% confident she is not interested in trying this because she is tired of me and wants other guys - and I know I don't feel that way about her. And if we both know what we want out of it before it happens and we stick to some rules, I don't think trust will be an issue either.
I don't feel threatened by having another guy (even her ex) there because (a) they never did anything sexual when they were together, (b) i am pretty confident in my abilities in the bedroom and I don't think she is going to suddenly think i'm crap compared to him, (c) it's not as if she is choosing to be with another guy instead of me because i would be there the whole time. And she wouldn't really be doing any choosing anyway, i would still be in control of what was happening - I think there is a difference between her doing naughty things to another guy and having naughty things done to her, if that makes sense.
So ... am I crazy???
We have something really incredible and I would hate to do something to put that at risk, but on the other hand one thing that makes it amazing is that we try and learn new things together.
Sorry for the novel but any advice would be really great
Thanks!
Al

[Mark & Lin]

Originally Posted by alicake

I know motivation is not an issue - I am 100% confident she is not interested in trying this because she is tired of me and wants other guys - and I know I don't feel that way about her. And if we both know what we want out of it before it happens and we stick to some rules, I don't think trust will be an issue either.

I think you have this backward - the trust has to be there before the rules. Rules are a necessity. Both of you will have them, whether they be leaving something 'special' for the two of you (for example, Lin says that anything involving anal sex is reserved for me) or that you only play together, or whatever rule you two come up with. The main point is, however, without both of you trusting each other 100%, don't even take a step in this direction. It is imperative that you both trust one another 100%, and without hesitation, before you can make any kind of threesome work.

Originally Posted by alicake

I don't feel threatened by having another guy (even her ex) there because (a) they never did anything sexual when they were together, (b) i am pretty confident in my abilities in the bedroom and I don't think she is going to suddenly think i'm crap compared to him, (c) it's not as if she is choosing to be with another guy instead of me because i would be there the whole time. And she wouldn't really be doing any choosing anyway, i would still be in control of what was happening - I think there is a difference between her doing naughty things to another guy and having naughty things done to her, if that makes sense.

Upon looking at this paragraph further, I found something troubling. You said, "i would still be in control of what was happening." No, you wouldn't. Understand that from the beginning. YOUR GIRLFRIEND will ALWAYS be in control over ANYTHING that has to do with her body. It's HER body - period. That has to be understood by both of you from the beginning, or you might as well just give up this train of thought right now. You say she is pretty submissive - that's all well and good. She might GIVE you some level of control over her, but in the end, SHE will decide what happens and what doesn't

Situations like threesomes are fluid. You can fantasize and plan all you want, but until you get people together, you never really know what is going to happen. He may or may not live up to her standards - meaning he may be the world's greatest lover and be able to keep her going for hours on end, or he may be a 'minuteman' and be asleep before things really get started - you just don't know. You may not be able to perform to your usual standards - you just never know. BE FLEXIBLE! Relax and let it flow...

I'm sorry if I sound pedantic here. I just don't want either of you to rush into something with unreasonable expectations. Reality is seldom equal to the fantasy. In fantasy, we're able to control a person's behavior, actions, responses, and performance. Reality is completely different - you have no control. The other person is who they are - you can't control that.

Just understand that the only person in control here is your girlfriend - after all, it IS her body. She will decide who gets to see it, touch it, and go any further with it. Other than that, you BOTH have to decide whether or not to put yourselves into any situation where that becomes a topic of discussion.

Communication is the key. You seem pretty confident that a threesome will not effect your feelings toward her, other than to excite you further. You have to be certain she feels the same way. If either of you has any doubts at all, don't do it until you work that out. It may never actually happen, then again it may. Just understand that it has to be a mutual agreement. If either of you feel forced, coerced, or manipulated in any way, that WILL damage your relationship.

I'd suggest that you both talk it over a lot more before you move in any direction. As you said yourself, once you do something, you can't take it back. Know that. It's the truth. Make certain you BOTH want to really go there before you do.

Mark