She is Afraid! ... Sad for me.

[ConkleEngaged]

I am engaged to a girl who is the most amazing girl in the
world but I do not know what to do because she has a fear.
and it really sucks for me so I am not sure what to do.
For in the past she was sexual abused and was forced
to do certain things. So she will never touch me sexual at
all. She wont touch my penis nothing, just kiss me and
cuddle. And she said she will never get over it, and she is the
only person I want to touch me. Can someone please
help me out with this, I am at a dead end.

[Luvoral]

Originally Posted by ConkleEngaged

I am engaged to a girl who is the most amazing girl in the
world but I do not know what to do because she has a fear.
and it really sucks for me so I am not sure what to do.
For in the past she was sexual abused and was forced
to do certain things. So she will never touch me sexual at
all. She wont touch my penis nothing, just kiss me and
cuddle. And she said she will never get over it, and she is the
only person I want to touch me. Can someone please
help me out with this, I am at a dead end.

I'm sure she never will forget it....if you care that much for her then maybe it's time to find a support group...I have heard that is much better than other options,as everyone there has pretty much the same experience..Until she can move on and trust another man again,cuddle and kiss and seek help now....best of luck

[Budde]

Your girlfriend NEEDS to seek the services of a qualified therapist. Not only for the reason of her being afraid of sexual intimacy with you but to deal with the demons in her mind. These fears are very real and justifiably so and can do nothing but inhibit her from having a happy life. Sexual abuse is as much mentally damaging as it is physically. The scars take a long time to heal in some cases but most experts will tell you with the right therapeutic approach, love, and support the wounds can be healed. Never forgotten but healed. I am not a psycho therapist but I am sure part of what she is experiencing is PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It's what soldiers who have served in combat go through as well as Police officers, Fire fighters and other first responders who unfortunately see and experience the worst life has to offer on a daily basis.
Trust me when I tell you kissing and cuddling is not going to last and will only put stress on the both of you and the relationship. What if you want to start a family, kind of difficult to do without intimacy. She can get past this horrible chapter in her life but it will not be easy. if she refuses to then whom ever abused her in the past is still abusing her to this day.

No two situations are never exactly the same but I had a g/f a long time ago who loved having sex but refused to give me head. At first I didn't think much of it but after a while I asked her why and she confessed that she was forced to do it by an uncle when she was young how young I don't know and she couldn't bring herself to do it as much as she wanted to. I asked her if she talked about this with her therapist and if not maybe she ought to. Not for the sexual aspect of it but for the reasons I mentioned to before about getting past it and not being cheated out of life.
She did talk about it in length with her therapist exactly what I don't know but she eventually was very willing to go down on me and in fact loved it very much. She was very happy as she put it to be able to "fulfil herself sexually"

Good luck with this.

[ConkleEngaged]

Budde - Is there some way you approached your girlfriend about this. Cause I don't want her to sound I just want her for sexual attention. I want to show her that I wanna do this for both her and me. I want to show her how much I really do love her. And mind me asking how long it took your partner to get over this fear??

[Budde]

Well we were already in a very physical sexual relationship. She loved sex and couldn't get enough of it so it seemed rather odd that this was the only thing she didn't do. In hindsight maybe she was so sexually willing to do or try anything that it was her way of making up for the one thing she left out. I honestly don't remember exactly how long it took but it wasn't years more like months. We had an on again off again sexual relationship when ever we weren't in a committed relationship. She actually called me up one night and asked me if she could stop by she had something to show me. I said sure and was pleasantly surprised when she knelt down in front of me while I was sitting on the couch and pulled down my sweats and gave me one killer blow-job. She smiled after she was done and said I owed the first one to you.

As far as approaching her with this subject it doesn't seem very hard and you won't be looking like a selfish scumbag. You two love each other enough to get married and hopefully spend the rest of your lives together. That involves intimacy and love. Not to be confused with sex. Sex is more of an act if you will while love or making love is an expression of your emotions for each other. You both may or may not want to start a family so this will be virtually impossible without intimacy in your relationship.
She needs to be reassured that you love her and will protect her etc. that your not just in the relationship strictly for sex. I believe this involves trust and trust is earned and comes in time.
Quite honestly don't take my words as gospel, these are the things you need to talk about with a qualified therapist. You will also need to be a part of her therapy as you are the other half of the partnership.
That wasn't the case with me and my ex g/f but I told her if she needed or wanted me to be there for her I would be. I wasn't a heartless scumbag who just wanted to get laid either. Her therapist took the offer under consideration but felt she needed to deal with this on her own. Every one has different methods.

It's more then just a case of her getting sexually intimate with you it's also about purging herself of the demons that still haunt her.
I wish you both the best of luck with this.