He Loves Porn More Than Me

[cmk1418]

My boyfriend (who I've been dating for about 7 months now) is constantly watching porn on his computer. At first I was okay with it (I mean, come on, it's just porn...no big deal). But eventually it turned into a bigger deal than I thought. Instead of having sex with me or wanting to be physical with me, he would turn to his porn videos instead. He would rather masturbate than do anything with me. He's had anxiety and OCD most of his life, and says that he likes being able to control how long he goes, etc. Also, it doesn't make him feel dirty like sex (the "sex juices" and sweating, etc.)

This has been causing major problems in our relationship though. Because of the lack of sexual activity in our relationship right now, my ego is bruised and I’m growing more and more insecure which has led to more and more fighting between the two of us. I feel like I’m unattractive, and/or can’t turn him on. I don't know what to do. We’ve probably only been having sex once a week, if that, and it's leaving me very unsatisfied. Not to mention, he seems totally uninterested in me, and yet he checks out girls along the street and in public places we go. He has no sexual desire for me, but when we were broken up for a week, he messed around with another girl.

Someone help me...I'm going crazy! What should I do?

[anaesthetic]

I'd be pretty upset, too. When it starts getting in the way of a relationship, it becomes more than "just porn". You sound like a logical person to me. Have you brought this up to him logically? (Not when fighting) What is his response? Does he say anything to assure that he does want you or want to have sex with you? Quite honestly, it sounds like you might be better off withuot him because he has to want to deal with these issues.

[Virgo]

You sound like you're better off without him. You shouldn't have to put up with this!

[cmk1418]

Until this morning, we've only ever talked about it while fighting. He'd turn to his porn, and I'd get upset without saying anything. After he would finish, he'd notice that I was upset (and he always know what it's about b/c I would get upset over his porn fetish all the time), and then this would just lead to a fight. So this morning, after posting on here, I brought it up to him very calmly. I told him that I wasn't happy and that it was the root to most of our fights. I told him that something needs to change b/c right now I'm just not satisfied and happy. He just said "okay."

[Virgo]

There you go. It doesn't sound like he's going to change, or cares much about how you feel. I think you should seriously think about what you are getting out of this relationship, where it could possibly go from here and whether it truly makes you happy.

You need to take care of yourself at this point; no one has the right to make your self esteem drop like this. I hope things get better for you!
Best Wishes

[LovingIt]

Relationships are all about compromise and it doesn't look like he's willing to do that. He also could have a legitimate addiction in which case he may need help. Either way he's making you feel like you're in 2nd place which is not acceptable.

[anaesthetic]

Originally Posted by LovingIt

Relationships are all about compromise and it doesn't look like he's willing to do that. He also could have a legitimate addiction in which case he may need help. Either way he's making you feel like you're in 2nd place which is not acceptable.

Relationships are not about compromise. No one is happy with compromise. Relationships are about cooperation.

[LovingIt]

Perhaps compromise was the wrong word. Yes you need to cooperate with people, but I find there are situations where there has to be give and talk.

That and that's the phrase my Mom uses, lol. I can't question her logic. O:-)