I want to understand >.>

[Anonymous_kitty]

Ok...this is going to make alot of people tilt their heads lol...

I understand people who masturbate. I've done it, I even think it's healthy to (atleast every once in a while)

However, when I find out that my mate has masturbated, I can't help but feel instantly insulted. I feel like perhaps I'm not enough. It's like with porn/pictures, I enjoy looking at female pictures but I Know my intentions with it. I don't actually fantasize about that character. But I can't stand the thought of him doing so because well, I guess because I don't know his own intentions.

The only time I've ever felt the need to masturbate was when I was single, or even while With my mate. But I simply don't feel that need to by myself when in a relationship. I've tried to see if it would help my libido spike for my mate but it doesn't seem to help.

How can I get past this? I feel like a hypocrite, and that I can not stand. I need to get past my sexual insecurities and just accept that it is natural.

Just like after reading the thread for "when did you start masturbating?" and then think about how I was when I was a kid, it scared the living crap out of me to think about how that's going to be with my own child. I'm just gonna end up being so revolted by it when/if I find out my child Was doing something like that. And I don't want to be like that either, I want to be able to accept it and help him to understand what he's going through rather than having a negative outlook on him (he's not born yet, so I have time to work through things hopefully) ;P

Please help?

[igor]

Originally Posted by Anonymous_kitty

I understand people who masturbate. I've done it, I even think it's healthy to

However, when I find out that my mate has masturbated, I can't help but feel instantly insulted. I feel like perhaps I'm not enough.

The only time I've ever felt the need to masturbate was when I was single, or even while With my mate. But I simply don't feel that need to by myself when in a relationship.

it scared the living crap out of me to think about how that's going to be with my own child. I'm just gonna end up being so revolted by it when/if I find out my child Was doing something like that.

There is nothing wrong if you don't want to do it or feel the need. Some do, some don't. MB is entirely different than having sex so don't try and compare the two. I have been married over 47 years and still do it myself. For me it's a quickie/relieve the pressure/pleasurable release kind of thing. IN no way does it lessen the importance of sex with my wife.

As for when you have kids, face up to the fact that they WILL do it. Stress the fact to them that it's normal & healthy but is a private matter.

[Virgo]

I've masturbated deliberately (with the intention of having an orgasm) since I was 13 and I've done it in and out of relationships. I'm currently in a very happy, sexually satisfying relationship (pretty much everyday) with a guy I love. I only have eyes fior him and yet I masturbate as well, just as often as I have sex.
For me they are completely different acts: masturbation is just about me, it isn't about being unsatisfied or needing a sexual release, it's just something I like to do for myself for my own wellbeing.
My boyfriend masturbates too, and I find it very sexy to think of him touching himself. Of course he watches porn, but that isn't a threat at all because I know for sure that he wouldn't dream of thinking of me that way. To him I'm the person he loves, finds sexy and has sex with, they're just actresses.

I don't know how to tell you to get past this, I think it's just something you need to come to terms with, especially where your kids are concerned. My mother and I never spoke explicity about masturbation, but I was made to feel comfortable in myself and my sexuality. As igor said, it's also a very private matter, and there is no real need to draw direct attention to it.

[anaesthetic]

If it helps, I masturbate and I know it's entirely different but sometimes I still feel hurt at the idea of my husband doing it, irrational as I know it is. It's nice to feel necessary and it sort of makes me feel the opposite. I suppose there's a difference between understanding something intellectually and actually being comfortable with it personally.

[Anonymous_kitty]

That's exactly the problem anaesthetic, and I want to be able to be comfortable with it at times atleast.

I think my problem was that my ex was a porn addict and so turned me off of That idea like None other. I wanted to help him get out of that phase because it was so ridiculous and I ended up loathing it with a passion when it came to watching it with someone or the other watching it for themselves and not to play with me =(

So if there's Anything that goes on like that in This relationship then I just freak the hell out. But it sucks because I like nudie art and stuff, but if my guy even looks at That I feel uncomfortable :/ which I feel to be very unfair of me, but I have no clue how to get out of the way of thinking! *cries*

Somehow I have to accept that some of this and that will be in the household and especially soon. Since I'm about to have this baby and the poor guy'll have to go 6 weeks Atleast without any >.> although I may just look at it as a good resting time and for a little inner reflection. Hopefully my drive will be back after the pregnancy hormones wear off! =P

Virgo, I guess I understand it being all about yourself. It's sort of like a pampering thing, and I understand how some of your best O's can be from yourself *grin* but I don't know. For some reason I just felt it to be ok to drop when I have my mate *shrugs*

When it comes to the kid I would like him to learn that it is a personal matter, but I don't want him to feel like he should turn into some sort of fiend with it =P maybe I'll have better luck with my next kid if it's a girl. I can put that silly romantic idea into Their heads about waiting to be with the man she loves before even thinking such sexual things. I do want my kids to be ok with themselves as sexual beings though, because one day obviously they Will experience it. *sigh* I don't know, tis so complicated lol. Glad I have much time to think on That one ^_^Vv