- Trouble - (My Wife's Sexual Hangups)
Name: Funhusband Date: October 2002
Hi!
This is my 1st post, and I'm not sure what I should say. I'm here because my wife has had MANY sexual problems. I'll just describe.
I've always been active sexually, but have made love ONLY to her. When I was in college/Hi-school, I would have a lot of oral performed on me. I performed
it on my Girlfriend's as well, and we always
"finished". My wife was like like that the 1st year we dated too. Very interactive & fun in the bedroom (and other places.) She wanted it
ALL the time, and when your young, it's never a problem or a care where you are.
But, about 2 years into our relationship, I asked her to marry me. Keep in mind, sexual activities began to stale about 6 months. before that. But, I love
her, so it wasn't an issue than. I assumed it a 'phase'.
Well, that phase is in it's 6th year and rolling! We do make love, but she acts odd (in my opinion.)
-She never initiates sex. She always asks for a back rub, and I go from there. But she never touches me sexually (not even kissing) and will never, EVER
speak of her sexual needs.
-She won't give oral sex, or even touch the penis with her hand.
-She always asks for a 'back rub' on Sun. night at 11pm. If I try to initiate any other time, or act sexual (even jokingly) in another room/location other
than the bed, I get the evil eye, or I'm called 'crude'.
-When I perform oral on her, and she's close to cumming, she grabs me and tells me to stop. She won't let herself finish!
There may be more, but I can't remember right now. I'm upset, and fear that we may drift apart. Everything else in our marriage is great! But, I try different
things, I never argue, or complain. I try to converse with her about it—suggestions, but it's all useless. She even once said that if I were to have
an affair it would be fine "As long as I don't bring any disease home." I was really hurt by that, especially because it signals to me that she's
just GIVEN UP on EVER giving me satisfaction. Does anyone have a suggestion? I really could use it.
Thanks
Funhusband
Name:GeniusDate: October 2002
What happened to your girlfriend shortly before you got married that made her change her sexual behavior? Perhaps she went through
a traumatic experience such as rape? I am no expert, but it seems to me very odd that her behavior would change so drastically all of a sudden. Can
you recall any incident that occured around the time of the change? I doubt it is related to hormones. From what you tell me, it feels like
she seems guilty about having sexual desires now.
What is most disturbing about your situation is that your wife is not willing to be discuss the issue honestly with you.
You need to ask her point blank why her feelings about sex have changed and force her to confess about any previous bad experiences.
Good luck to you.
-----
The Voice of Reason
Great advice Genius!
Something definitely happened to make her change her mind about sex. And it's really rather disappointing to hear that she doesn't want to talk to
you about it, especially if your relationship is going so well other than that.
The comment about the other woman does concern me though. You really need to find out what's going on with her. Most people don't just make
point blank statements like that...especially about their husband sleeping with another woman. For some reason she sounds like she wants her sexual
duties relieved or something. To know she doesn't have to do that anymore, but she really hasn't been.
Do you have children? Did you want to have children? Did you try and it just never happened? Does she want to have a baby and you don't
or vice versa?
Did she become pregnant before you got married and had an abortion or miscarriage?
Do you know if she's having an affair? Does she go out a lot? Or is she always working late?
Sex is a huge part of a relationship, are you sure everything else is okay or are you just trying to convince yourself of that? I ask because she
doesn't want to have sex and she doesn't want to talk to you.
I wish I had a magical answer for you, but you've got to somehow get through to her. If there's a problem, she's waited way too long to solve it. Six
years is a very long time. Did you think you might have said something or acted a certain way that would make her self conscious about her body or
anything like that?
I agree with Genius. You really have to communicate your sexual needs and
desires with her and really find out if she wants to be with you.
Good Luck,
Ann
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