- Trouble - (Threesomes)

Sex Advice Archive Page 3

Name:FunhusbandDate:October 2002

Has anyone had experience in bringing a third person into the bedroom? My wife and are thinking of it (a male first) and we'd like to know how others fared. We're also thinking about a couple swapping experience. Any thoughts?
A&J

- My Advice -

My first thought is to ask you how secure are both you and your wife in this relationship? It takes a very deep love and total and complete security for a couple to get invovled in a threesome or couple swap. Do you two communicate well with each other about your emotional love life and sexual love life? Communication, compassion and understanding is essential for a threesome or any more-some to work out.

Think about this. You and your wife have decided that you want to do this. You both feel secure and are excited about the whole thing. You welcome this man into your bedroom and things start to happen. He grabs your wife and kisses her passionately on your bed. Do have any interest in playing with this man sexually? Because if not, there will be times when you may not be totally involved with your wife. Some positions can get rather intimate where there's no room for a third person. Will that be okay with you? Can you handle someone fucking, sucking and kissing your wife, while you watch?

I'm not trying to be mean or anything, it's just that I want to get across what to expect from a threesome. Many times it sounds more exciting than the reality of it. I know this because I did have this experience. I was attracted to a woman and told my boyfriend about it. He was all for it. There was a ton of discussion about fears, insecurities and everything negative that could go wrong then and any after effects. We also watched Nina Hartley's "Guide to Swinging"

This video also demonstrated how wonderfully exciting and enriching a threesome would be to a relationship, but it also showed these fears and insecurities that one would experience before, during and after. This video was very helpful, it did open up communication about what we were going to experience, but even all the planning still couldn't prepare me.

When my boyfriend grabbed her and kissed her passionately that very first time, I was floored. It really knocked me into a wacky place for a few moments, but they both had me so involved in the action and I was really so attracted to this woman that I fell right back into the pleasure of it all. But it was that very first kiss, that just really got me. Luckily, because of all the very frank discussions before and that he had whispered to me that he loved me on several occasions during the actual act, I was perfectly happy.

But even though it went well, there was a huge amount of discussions after. And I told him how I felt and he understood and we talked about every little detail. So much so that we have been able to make this woman a part of our sex life. She's a great person, a good friend of ours and someone that we share a very special bond with.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to ramble, but I just want you and your wife to realize that it's not an easy thing for a couple to do. Without any discussion or mental/emotional preparation for, it could be a disastrous experience.

I asked you earlier about wanting to be with a man sexually because I know my boyfriend doesn't want to be with a man and he has said that it's much easier that I want to be with a woman. Because if I wanted to be with another man, that would be more difficult. He likes women, I like women, we can all play together and the number of possible positions for all of us to get into are endless. If I wanted to be with a man and my boyfriend doesn't then he's going to be left out of playtime periodically.

Well, I hope this sheds some light on the topic for you. I'm not saying not to do it, I just want you and your wife to be sure so that it's a wonderful experience because it definitely can be. I've written an important article on Threesome Advice for Couples, that will explain how you and your wife can go about planning this very special and very exciting experience. Please check it out.

Ann

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