- Trouble -  (Tantric Sex)

Sex Advice Archive Page 5

Name:Thewb Date:January 2002

I was reading one of your Q/A sessions about male ejaculation, and you mentioned a thing called Tantric, and how it is suppose to help guys orgasm but not ejaculate.  What is this and where can I learn more about it?

- My Advice -

In Tantra the idea of containing orgasm applies to both men and women as it is seen as a way to prolong lovemaking and to create a force of transforming energy within the body, without using it up by ejaculating and climaxing.  By not climaxing, both lovers can remain in this state of sexual excitement for as long as they wish.  So a couple can make love for as long as they want.  Those worries about who climaxes first or who climaxes prematurely are moot.  You can both last as long as you'd like.  But do realize that this is something that will take some practice.  It doesn't just happen.

If you'd like to learn more about Tantric Sex, there's a video by the Sinclair Intimacy Institute, "The Tantric Guide to Better Sex" and the Idiot's Guide to Tantric Sex by Judy Kuriansky that can help you learn more.   


All the best,
Ann

- Trouble -  (No Sex Drive)

Name:Mossagate Date:January 2002

I am a 29 year old female that has no sex drive.  I never have.  I feel lazy when it comes to having sex and I hate it.  I want to know why. My partner is great, she is very patient with me and I am lucky for that, but if I don't do something soon I am sure I will loose her.  Sex, when I do have it, is great and I love having it, but I am never in the mood.  I have had my hormone level checked and my doctor says it is fine.  So tell me why do I have no sex drive.

- My Advice -

Mossagate,

Well, you should be happy that there's nothing physically wrong that's causing your sex drive to be low.  

Are you experiencing a lot of stress from work, family, friends or even your girlfriend?  Stress has a huge effect on one's sex drive.  Until you work through the stress, your sex drive will remain low.

Alcohol, tobacco and many over the counter drugs, prescription drugs and anti-depressants tend to all lower one's sex drive.  

Have you been getting enough of rest?  Not getting enough of sleep or even not getting the full night's quality sleep can also make you feel overall fatigued.  That may have something to do with it too.

How is your diet?  Do you exercise at all?  I'm not saying you have to be on the best diet in the world, but if you cut out a lot of the excessive sugars and fats out of your diet and get on an exercise program, at least cardiovascular, you may feel better too.  I know that when I stop working out for a while I really feel lethargic and my overall sex drive drops, but once I start working out again, it clears my mind.  Even if you just ride the exercise bike or walk/run on the treadmill three times a week, you'll feel much more energized.

Just from your initial post here, I can tell that you've already put yourself under a severe amount of stress by saying, "but if I don't do something soon I am sure I will loose her. "  Did she say that?  Did she imply that at any time?  If she didn't and if she hasn't then don't put the pressure on yourself.  Have you been together long?  Are the lines of communication open between the two of you?  Can you discuss your relationship easily?  Maybe you should sit down and discuss this with her.

Could you be a little bored in the relationship?  Is the spark gone?  When you have sex is it the same thing all the time?  Maybe you need some new ideas to spice it up a little bit.  

Any other information you can provide will assist me in helping you sort through this.  

I hope some of this information will help you get back on your sexual feet.  

Ann

Name:Mossagate Date:January 2002

Thanks for your reply.  We have been together going on 3 years.  We have had our ups and downs but all in all our relationship is good.  She is very understanding, does get frustrated every once in awhile. but who wouldn't. We have a very open relationship.  She knows everything. My past sexual experiences, my lack for sex, etc.  Sex with her is always exciting and very energetic.  I love it.  I can't imagine being without her and I am positive she feels the same way.  As for the stress level, ya sure I have stress from work, from my ex and his girlfriend, the town I live in, but it has not always been that way.  This is an ongoing thing.  I have never really enjoyed sex with guys anyway and I though when I met my girlfriend my sex drive would be better - not. I do have a past of rape and I have learned to deal with that.  I just wish I knew what to do. I can't stand never being in the mood or feeling lazy about it.  I am fairly healthy and I try to stay active.  Will it ever end?

- My Advice -

It will end, if you really want it to end.  You say you try to stay active, well then get on an exercise schedule.  Like I said, three days a week of some cardiovascular exercise will have you feeling like a million bucks.   What kind of stress do you have from your ex and his girlfriend?  That may be what's got you down.  Was the break up rough?  Did he cheat on you with this woman?  Have you always been attracted to women?  I say this because you mentioned your ex and HIS girlfriend.  

Has your blood been tested lately?  Maybe you have low blood pressure, or maybe your diabetic or anemic.  These conditions do cause you to always feel tired and just run down all the time.  If you don't feel physically well, sex is going to be the last thing on your mind.

I think you should go to the doctor for a physical.  Tell him/her about how you feel and get checked out.  And if all's well, you'll leave with a clean bill of health and that will be one less thing for you to think about.

Yes, my advice to you is to go to the doctor for a physical.
Good luck to you and thanks for responding.

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